Kristi Noem cancels tour for her lie-filled memoir (video)

Originally published at:


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Noem’s damage control team blamed a snowstorm likely shitstorm alert in South Dakota as her reason for canceling the tour.


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Be sure to buy her next book: How to Tank Your Career in One Cheaply-Ghost-Written Step


I find it hard to believe a professional ghostwriter would have come up with anything as bad as the puppy-shooting incident or the fictional encounter with Kim Jong Un.


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Add another bullet!


Noem is learning what so many wannabe fascists in the MAGA cult have learned the hard way: you can’t out-Trump Trump. The acolytes will gleefully rejoice in the cult leader telling outrageous, obvious falsehoods. But don’t you dare try it yourself. There can be only one narcissistic megalomaniac at a time.


I just got in and was checking the news.

Did we all see this?

On the way home, Noem says she realized she was one kennel short and decided to let Cricket ride loose in the back of her pickup truck. After all, if she “was dumb enough to jump out, then good riddance. After what she had pulled that day, I didn’t care.”

While walking back across the pasture, Noem says she passed a group of construction workers building her family’s new home. The men had “looks of shocked amazement on their faces,” and seemed afraid of Noem, she writes.

This is her uncle, he was the contractor.

“Well, the guys said you came barreling into the yard with your truck, slammed the door, and took a gun and a dog over the hill, out of sight. They heard one shot and you came back without the dog. Then you grabbed the goat and headed back up over the hill. They heard another shot, you came back, slammed the pickup door, went back. Then they heard another shot and then you came back without the goat. They said they hurried back to work before you decided they were next!’”


I doubted this was possible, but yeah, that makes it worse. Holy shit, what a disaster of a human being!


That’s the one smart thing she’s done in this whole fiasco.
Bu-bye, Kristi!


And right in the mainstream of the GOP…




She’s just virtue signalling her lying capacity to the political party which prizes it above all others.


Anyone paying any attention at all to her political record and public speech already knew she was a dangerous liar. She’s spread plenty of blood libel. Now almost everyone, including the 30% of Americans who seem to crave fascism, can see her for the truly horrible person many of us already knew her to be.


Given the context; I’d be deeply unsurprised if this one is also a lie; or at least an embellishment of 2 weeks volunteer work or something; but my understanding is that the church she is associated with has fairly lightweight requirements even for ‘ministers’(not exactly the classic “fear of god must exceed fear of public speaking” baseline; but not a “seeking graduate level qualifications in ministry or theology; psych background suitable for pastoral care preferred but not required” shop); and (while they don’t seem to currently have openings listed); none of the various instances of past listings said much about required credentials(my, layman’s, understanding is that it’s not terribly uncommon for “children’s pastor” to be on the low end of a given operation’s requirements for theological credentials, compared to standard pastors; though sometimes with specific childhood education expertise expected).

Probably best to hope that she hasn’t been in a position of authority over impressionable children as much as she claims; but it’s not all that weird in a fair chunk of American protestantism, to have some sort of church position without much in the way of formal credentials(especially if you discount honorary degrees from dodgy-tier degree mills).


So she’s going back on No Going Back?

We really should insist this MAGA horror carries her clearly unviable tour to full term no matter what harm it causes her.


She described herself as a children’s pastor, despite not being ordained or attending divinity school.

Well, to be fair, I don’t think everyone calling themselves a “children’s pastor” is ordained. We used to call them Sunday School Teachers, and the only requirements were basically being willing to do it and able to corral kids well enough they don’t mix up the paint water with the kool-aid cup. I have some fond memories of a couple kind, older ladies from when I was a kid.

Sure, add it to the pile, but if it was that alone it really wouldn’t raise an eyebrow for me.

All the rest of the stuff:
I think she has looked at how much Trump lies and exagerates and assumed she could get away with it too. Politicians can get away with a lot - but there are limits. Sexism probably makes that limit lower for her.


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