Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/07/03/lettuce-tell-you-this-smart-ti.html
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3 Likes
But then the condiments squeeze out the sides! There’s no way to win!
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Something on your burger other than cheese or bacon?
That’s crazy talk!
12 Likes
How about toasting the inner surfaces of the bun lightly and not dawdling about when eating the burger? Works for me.
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What is this ‘lettuce’ of which you speak? Silly BB, plants are what food eats!
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You young people! You don’t know the burgers are always best accompanied by statins for people over 50.
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I find if I rest the burgers for 10 minutes with some aluminum foil scrunched overtop all the moisture is reabsorbed.
My tip would be halved turkish bread toasted with some garlic butter and a sprinkle of smoked paprika for the bun.
WARNING: there is no going back to anything else for a home-made hamburger bun after this!
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A thin (or thicccc) coating of mayonnaise will also shield your buns from getting soggy. If you don’t like mayo, avocado will also do the trick. Fat and water don’t play too nicely!
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Wait. How in the hell does anyone get a soggy bun?! The only way that happens is if the burger is put in the buns and sits that way for 30 min before eating. What kind of monster would do that?
Grill the burgers and lay them out on a lettuce lined board and all folks to place into buns at their discretion.
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Can a title be both clickbait and a spoiler at the same time?
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Just don’t cook them on a flat grill.
Sliced pickles make better lettuce IMO.
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This kind of makes me want a burger, but at the same time feeds my slowly burgeoning wish to not eat meat. I think it’s something to do with the Performative Meat aspect of barbecue.
Anyway. If I do eat a burger, it won’t have lettuce in it. I think @belovedvillain has the right of it; you need to add foods from the Grease group (cheese, mayo, fried stuff, avocado, pesto, hash browns etc).
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What, you don’t have the meat department mix the pravastatin in with the ground beef? Everyone knows that’s the most convenient way to make it. Put it in my daily burger, and no more missed doses!
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And if you have lettuce directly against the buns instead of beef, cheese, and more appropriate condiments like ketchup, then the coefficient of friction is way too low, and you get all the parts of the burger sliding out when you pick it up and bite. Clearly this lettuce-on-bun thing wasn’t fully thought through.
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And if you don’t want lettuce on your burger…?
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Veggie burgers grill up real nice with a clean enough grill grate. And then SLAP SOME FATTY FLAVOR ON THAT BAD BOY
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no lettuce here.
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I fully agree; they seem to have got themselves into a bit of a pickle with their analysis, here.
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Hey! Don’t go spilling secrets! You’re devaluing my meat-engineering degree! 
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