Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/09/05/loch-ness-dna-suggests-nessi.html
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Nahhhhh. This theory has been around for a while.
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That’s why I never go swimming there unless there’s a gigantic man nearby in case of trouble.
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Rats. Beaten to the screaming eels by 9 minutes.
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The depictions I’ve seen of Nessie remind me a lot of our family’s (earth-bound) snake, so it’s a totally believable theory to me.
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But why would eels be riding an escaped elephant? Aren’t they natural enemies?
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Always with the damned plesiosaurs. If there were a breeding population of large plesiosaurs we would know about it, without question.
This whole fixation on plesiosaurs is based on two bad photos-- the now debunked 1934 photo, and a very blurry underwater photo of what people think is a diamond-shaped fin (whereas I see a cute doggy.)
In the majority of the sightings people just report a large hump or humps surfacing and submerging, or something large causing a wake just below the surface. Start from there. Large eel? Perhaps. But enough with the plesiosaur bullshit.
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The only solution is for lots of people to come and keep watch on the surface of the loch, and be sure to report any eel or eel-like sightings as soon as possible.
(This comment funded by the Scottish Tourist Board)
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Loch Ness tourist industry: “Now they say eels? Bwaaaaaahaa-ha-ha-ha-haaa! That was close! Order 10,000 more Nessie plushies!”
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Gotta be eels.
My hovercraft is full of them.
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So… there’s eel DNA, therefore the “monster” might be a giant eel (even though there’s no evidence of abnormally large eel). Maybe the monster is a bunch of small eel wearing a large eel costume? Maybe it’s a small eel, but seen really, really close-up?
But there are also definitely people in the loch as well, so maybe the “monster” is a tall, skinny flexible dude, instead. Or a bunch of dudes. Like synchronized swimmers, all holding each other’s feet in a line.
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From the DNA, they also found that Loch Ness is related to several other lakes around the would.
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Eunuch eels is what some claim:
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Heck, if there had been a breeding population of large plesiosaurs at any time within the last several tens of millions of years we probably would have found at least a hint of it in the fossil record by now.
Ditto a nonhuman bipedal ape population that somehow made its way to the forests of North America without leaving any evidence of its existence anywhere along the way.
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The dihydrogen monoxide signature was definitive.
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Never mind that the lake itself has only been around since the end of the last ice age.
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I suspect it’s more likely logs, waves and pareidolia twelve turtles stuck in one leg of some extra-large discarded tights.
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Well, the trenchcoat the hamsters lent them was too loose and baggy.
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