Man accused of murdering wife blames powerful group that infected him with mayonnaise

boing
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Mayonnaise caused the French Revolution, which is why they have mayo on their freedom fries, and the French national anthem is La Mayonnaise.

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To be fair, that is going to be superior to store-bought mayonnaise. It’s difficult to hate on home-made mayo…

Quite the contrary - he not only killed her, he’s making sure she goes to waste. I mean, my grandfather was a hunter, and he always taught me that you never kill something unless you’re going to eat it…

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Yep, sounds like a wendigo problem. You don’t keep your trash sealed up tight, you’re gonna get wendigos this time of year. They’ll go right ahead and infect your mayo, ranch dressing, sour cream, anything like that. You can try sprinkling powdered Colecovision cartridges ‘round yer property, but if they’re already up in your mayo you’re probably gonna have to get a licensed shaman in.

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This product exists now. So does mayochup. https://www.insider.com/heinz-kranch-sauce-combines-ketchup-ranch-2019-4

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Summary

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Boing Boing: A Directory of some truly horrific things…

Man, had an absolutely shit-tastic day, and have really no response to this other than to shit on BB for this not being wonderful. (where’s my goddamn unicorn chaser)

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i wish!

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unicorn

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They focus on the drug use, but to me it sounds like he has severe mental health issues, and the drug use is an attempt to self-medicate.

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This is really sad for everyone involved and I don’t understand why this has been posted as a humorous post.

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Exactly my thought. Would you laugh at a disabled person tripping and hurting herself on pavement?
Mental illness is not fun!

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They don’t need a syringe anymore. They have an aerosol now. All they have to do is pretend to be vaping to blow a cloud of mind-infecting mayonnaise over everyone. And then they can force everyone to buy Heinz 57, an even more insidious condiment.

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Did he mean malaise and he just malapropped it?

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You’re right. I took down my stupid post because of your comment. Thanks.

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Not only did the perpetrator probably mean malaise, he might not even be responsible for misspelling it. The cop who transcribed the story might not be familiar with the word, and could have written “mayonnaise” in the incident report instead …

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