Man murdered "with oranges"

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Oh, man! I read the whole article linked to. Twice!

How many oranges, Lt Colonel Ngoepe? How many?

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Let he who is without citrus cast the first orange.

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This seems unlikely. it would take so many oranges, who wouldnā€™t walk out of range of the ammo supply?

And if a man lieth with a fruit, let him be oranged to death, and the fruit shall not be eaten, for it is an abomination, sayeth the LORD.
ā€“Neut. 16:9

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In other news, TSA is considering adding fruits and vegetables to the list of prohibited items.

Mind the oranges, Babanto!

This sounds like a much grimmer (read: much better) version of an Encyclopedia Brown mystery. Or someoneā€™s read Rubyfruit Jungle a few too many times.

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Thatā€™s nearly incomprehensible.

Sounds like they beat himā€¦

(ā€¢ā€¢)
( ā€¢
ā€¢)>āŒā– -ā– 
(āŒā– _ā– )

ā€¦to a pulp.

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Beaten with a bag of oranges reminds me of the scene from Grifters. If the story is true, then itā€™s gotta be a shitty, not particularly quick way to die

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The worst part is no one can write a song or poem or even a rhyming epitaph about his death.

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He encountered some brutes
Who threw at him their fruits ā€”
Alas, they were not eating grapes.

He was battered and bruised,
flying-citrus abused ā€”
His death was painted in orange.

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It would take relatively few frozen oranges.

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As gruesome as it is Iā€™m trying to imagine the logistics of this. Getting hit by ONE orange fucking hurts if it is thrown with force. It probably wouldnā€™t have the same bone-shattering potential as a stone of the same size, but one large, well-thrown orange could probably give you a concussion. Several quick, well-aimed shots could probably rattle the brain around enough to cause eventual death from brain swelling and traumaā€¦

Stoning seems like it would be a horrible way to die, and this seems just as terrible but more prolonged.

Why didnā€™t the guy run away? Was he too intimidated to run? Physically incapable of running? Trapped somewhere so he couldnā€™t get away? Did he feel a sense of duty and obligation to stand and take it? Did the killers have a history of bullying other people - to death or otherwise?

Jesus fuck, this truly is horrific.

Now hereā€™s my contribution to the black humor in this thread:

There once was a man from Tzaneen
Upon citrus he wasnā€™t so keen.
Two colleagues from the farm
Did the man deadly harm
With a fruit bashing - wild and mean.

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ā€œNothing harms like rough juice doesā€ according to local peeler Lt Colonel Ngoepe. Co-workers claimed the victim lacked a zest for work but knew little of his Vitamin C intolerance. We wanted to press a charge of in-fanta-cide but realised it was the wrong ordnace - we settled on death by sustained Navel engagement. Case closed.

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