Marissa Mayer will earn $55 million to leave Yahoo

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Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/07/26/marissa-mayer-will-earn-55.html
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That headline…

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Only in America can you get almost $55 Million for being a f@ck up!

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I read it more as ‘we will pay you $55 million to step down and stop making things worse for our company’.

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Where do I get the job to mess up a company so bad they pay me millions to go away? I want that job!

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Heck, I bet I’d be even worse but I’ll accept a fraction of that money not to take the job in the first place. Everybody wins!

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You know that saying ‘if you do an unwanted job badly enough no one will ask you to do it again’? This is like that except with much higher stakes and therefore much higher severance pay. It’s a little like taking a company hostage, except much more lucrative and without any risk of imprisonment afterwards.

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earn

Mand(ator)y Patinkin.

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I got paid $20 to leave a party once.

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Yeah, but you earned it.

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You have to be REALLY GOOD at it. Sadly, Fiorina also comes to mind just due to novelty, the number of men who do the same seem to blur into obscurity.

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These are “ideas people” we’re talking about. You may legitimately not be able to do her “job” poorly enough!

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Marissa Mayer will earn $55 million to leave Yahoo

I left for nothing a long time ago.

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Fiorina/Mayer 2020!

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Every single C level (and usually the C level direct reports) get “compensated” in this fashion. It’s a joke.
There is no connection to the company, there is no incentive to do well, there are no consequences to doing a shitty job.
The moment we started genuflecting to people who have never created a damn thing in their lives - but were somehow lucky enough through birth and lucky circumstances along the way to get “leadership” dropped in their laps - we doomed our publicly traded companies to nothing more than boom and bust factories for the old boy network.
In the last 30 years I’ve worked for many different corporations and every single one of them went through all or parts of the following -
Drive the business into the ground to make the company look good on paper, sell to a larger company. New Mission Statement. Get squeezed. Shift the C level folks around. Bring in “new blood”. Squeeze more. “Right size”. Chinese fire drills to react to regulators after right-sizing. Hire consultants. Spin off from larger company. Possibly repeat.

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I knew I should’ve signed up for that Corporate Mismanagement class. Now I’ll never be able to get this kind of cushy golden parachute work gig. SAD!

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The Yakuza did that sort of things to the big keiratsus for decades. But they were a lot more small time than Marissa Mayer.

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How Much Will We Cost You?

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Gesundheit!

keiratsus
Gesundheit!
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I have to say, if Yahoo wants to hire me to leave Yahoo, I will do so at a considerably reduced rate.

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