What I don’t get - if the couple is getting divorced so their girlfriend doesn’t get jealous, why is the girlfriend then planning to marry one or the other? Wouldn’t that leave the unmarried person jealous again?
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Please note that my post is an aside:
No complaint with Czanne’s post here—it’s very clearly written in terms of the Social-Security-related benefits of marriage, which is what brings this to mind:
An elephant in the room is the widespread assumption that it’s okay for married people to get special benefits and considerations that single people don’t. See: “singlism” and “married privilege”
Just for anyone interested:
Here’s an article with more background on marital privilege:
Here is a list that parallels the now-well-known one about unpacking the invisible knapsack of White privilege:
Let’s not take this present discussion off-topic, though. It might be a good subject for a separate discussion thread here sometime, though.
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It worked for The Nuge.
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They are still doing trans with kids articles, as well as trans and not getting divorced articles.
I used to know a trans woman who was married and in a triad, she (and her wife) didn’t want to get divorced but the Gender Recognition Act (UK) said that she had to if she wanted to change her birth certificate.
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Am I the only one who’s jealous as f*ck at this guy?
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I’m going to guess that you are most likely straight, privileged in most ways, or live in a culture where tolerance is a more universal value. [Note: I shouldn’t have assumed. forceblink has pointed out that this assumption is not necessarily relevant for our discussion, and does not appreciate being singled out, and for this I apologize.]
For people of nearly every group that receives some larger element of cultural disdain or intolerance, it is pretty important to feel camaraderie and to see inspiration from people who are like them in the media. People who display the elements that they might feel scared of being open about, proud of displaying, or really just make them feel normal.
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Right. I’m not saying this couple called the local news and sought the article. Really doubt it happened that way. Maybe the reporter caught wind of them, or knows them through a FOAF and kind of massaged them softly into doing a “piece” and it turned into this. I’m not pointing my finger at malicious. All I’m saying is that if it were ME in that relationship, I would not want that publicity. It’s not my thing. And just because it’s not my thing doesn’t mean that standard has to be applied to anyone else but me.
I like the comments about normalization. On one hand, for hundreds of years we have had traditional man/woman marriage basically fucking normalized down our damn throats. Like they tried with slavery and religion and a thousand other pieces of shit that the power elite has used to impose their will on the masses. So, the point of what I’m saying is, OK, good, show people that alternatives exist, seem to work and are fine for the children. Tear down this fucking black and white ignorant society already please for my sanity and yours!
On the other hand, I would never want to be in that pic. My sex and love life are no one else’s business except those closest to me, and even then the circle of details doesn’t extend far.
I believe you are mistaken, as there was absolutely 0 value judgement in any part of my post. I was saying that I must assume you belong to one of these groups, in no way implying that the groups were lacking or negative in any way. Only that you seem to be speaking from the perspective of someone who does not belong to an underclass or group that experiences cultural scorn or denigration of this sort. You are free to correct me, but I hope you can see that my assumption was not to paint you with any negative brush, and I’m not fully understanding such a forceful, mean reaction from you. I am truly sorry if you were offended by that assumption, and would love to know how I could better approach that sort of thing in the future.
Don’t assume anything about me. It pisses me off and has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation. Talk about things you actually know about.
Too many of these damn threads on here turn into conversations about us rather than the topic at hand. I have a love/hate relationship with this forum. On one hand, cool, interesting stuff comes up. But with that comes a legion of peach-sewers who are only interested in talking about the character of anyone who decides to comment. Stick to the topic at hand. I am not the topic. Nor are you.
Thank you for explaining. I see what you are saying. I’ve edited my original post to take responsibility for that assumption. Though I hope you can also understand that assuming cultural or racial categories does not, in any way, reflect on your character.
To return to the original point, you said “Who the fuck cares?”, so my response is “many people who share values with those individuals, and might feel scared or ashamed or downtrodden.” Myself included.
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I smell a pre-nup to make some lawyers’ eyes water. If A and B divorced and then C is going to marry A, where does that leave B, legally and financially? Why do any of them need to marry any of them now they are all ‘single’ and committed?
If they decide to go double-barreled please don’t let them name any new kids Keith or Kate. That would make for a miserable school experience for the kid, for sure.
Or at least a limited liability partnership.
Assuming the highest earner marries the lowest earner of the three, that arrangement also minimizes income taxes.
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Agreed. I once had a long term relationship end because my SO realized she was gay not bi. It’s amazing the things people start sharing about their own relationships after something like that.
Also, RE: The Children: my (layperson’s limited) understanding was that most of the actual research on the matter shows that parenting styles and family structure generally have very little impact on the long-term outcomes of the children’s lives. As in, it makes a difference while the kids are young and living at home, but once they’re adults it’s pretty much genetics and “non-shared environment” that explain outcomes. Kids are pretty resilient.
RE: Poly relationships and open marriages in the 70s: I wasn’t around yet then, but I’m curious how that whole phase came about. My (unfounded, unsupported) assumption has been something like “aging ‘free love’ hippies learning to adult while holding onto their ideals.” Problem is, any long-term relationship surviving depends on both individual commitment and social support. Society has a lot of institutional support for married couples. Loss of community support and pressure/coercion is behind a lot of the rise in divorce rates. People with more (financial and intellectual) resources have seen less rise in divorce rates b/c they’ve had an easier time adapting. I’d expect it to work the same way with poly relationships. It takes a long time for norms and laws to catch up. Stories like this help.
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exponential!
edit: just re-read and see that you already said exponential 
Valid point. On one level, as I said in a followup post before my outburst, re-normalization to a wider array of flavors is called-for. But that’s not the source of “who the fuck cares?” The source of that remark is the celebrity overload, oversensationalized trite news. Perhaps that is a way of expressing weariness at the re-normalization process because the re-normalization has already occurred in me and I am open to wider arrays of choices and viewpoints, so I tend to scoff at US and People magazine type topics.
A huge portion of the country has not renormalized. They are stuck in the 18th century. Maybe 17th or 12th century. I don’t know. Doesn’t matter, because they are backwards as fuck. So how do we stop reaching the people who are re-normalized and get this news in front of the eyeballs of the people who really need to see it?
I don’t have the answer. Just trying to characterize some of the sociology I notice going on here.
We’ve only got 17 years, but so far, so good.
Here’s the key: we came to monogamy consciously and intentionally. We were poly before and continue to have the option to return if we agree, but we know how much work even one more relationship adds, and we’re fundamentally lazy. And introverted.
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What a scumbag (Ted Nugent, not you!).
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I’d only worry about the judgment the kids might get. Edit: This is not to say I think the parents shouldn’t be in a 3 person relationship, just that people can be assholes.
dragonfrog- did your daughter have to deal with that? I know of a particular situation where the teachers were overly worried about things just because there were 3 parents.
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