Trump: “Activate Space Force, and engage!”
Pentagon: “We don’t actually have people up there who can stop this thing, Mr. President.”
Trump: "I say we do! Missed the memo… idiots!?"
Pentagon: “All we can do is track the asteroid, Mr. President.”
Trump: “Track?.. Yes! Tractor Beams! Then ‘pew-pew’!!”
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Oumuamua 2, The Oumuamua-ing
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But you know it would be some White House redshirt who dies in the pew-pew attempt.
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I believe that Trump considers everyone to be a red shirt until proven otherwise… and even then…
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The Daily Express is on it
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A pair of my high school buddies would scream exactly that phrase at appropriate (and hilariously inappropriate) moments. Once one of them yelled it from the back seat, next to me, while the other was at the wheel during a police chase.
I still can’t believe that cop wasn’t hip to the alley we plunged into.
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Name checks out 
You win interwebs today 
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It wouldn’t have to be any larger than a regulation soccer ball to do the job.
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Duh, ancient Aliens. The pyramids are pretty tall, and that reputable source of information “The History Channel” says that those primitive ancient brown people couldn’t have possibly built them without alien assistance…
Now this is a scary pass:
That asteroid, called Apophis, stretches about 1,100 feet (340 meters) across and will pass within 19,000 miles (31,000 kilometers) of Earth’s surface. That might sound scary, but scientists are positive that it will not hit Earth. Instead, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance for scientists to truly understand asteroids near Earth.
Once-in-a-lifetime, heh.
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Love will tear us apart obliterate all life
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Spoilsport!
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Another way of expressing it could be in time. Distances - and speeds - in space are so incomprehensibly vast that there’s only a few people who can intuitively make sense of “0.4 AU” or “3.6 million km.” But if it were expressed in terms of something like “the asteroid will intersect the earth’s obit 30 minutes before the Earth gets there”^, that might be a more understandable metric.
^ numbers made up
Edit: and another thing - it kind of annoys me that practically all images of meteor impacts look like the artist imagines it as a large rock being being dropped vertically on a stationary earth, instead of a glancing blow at fairly shallow oblique angles. Although I guess it doesn’t really matter - a big enough meteor hitting means we’re all utterly fucked anyway, regardless of the real or imagined angle of impact.
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Don’t let it. The odds of entropy reversing locally and reassembling a smashed water glass perfectly with contents inside are also not zero. Just so tiny that it almost certainly won’t happen in the lifetimes of several universes, consecutively ^^’.
Edit: Notably, in a truly infinite universe, this will happen an infinite number of times each moment.* That said, in any given locale (and probably within the Light Cone) my example holds reasonably well. It ain’t gonna happen near you.
*This is the rough basis of several multiverse theories =).
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TCM ran “When Worlds Collide”.
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i wonder if the moon is any more or less likely to get smashed than us by some passing asteroid. surely sending bits of the moon raining down is also no bueno
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Dude, welcome to Boing Boing - LOVE your stuff on /.
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“And you may ask yourself ‘where is that potentially hazardous asteroid?’”
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Tektites don’t make themselves my friend…
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