Originally published at: "Never push a slower friend down," when fleeing bears, writes National Park Service | Boing Boing
…
11 Likes
if the friend is slower, why push them?
Agreed, its those faster bastards that you’ve got to watch out for. Have them carry the raw hamburger that you definitely need to cook at the campsite… in the leaky ziploc…
21 Likes
Running makes you look like prey. I had always heard:
Bear brown, lay down
Bear black, fight back
Bear white, goodnight.
13 Likes
Question: if the friend is slower, why push them?
I wouldn’t push them, just merely outrun them if i needed to. Pushing someone so that the bear can get them would be pretty much murder.
10 Likes
“Never push a slower friend down when fleeing a bear. You will look stronger and healthier, thereby the better meal, and still hella slower than a bear running in a straight line. Let them eat your slow ass friend, circle of life, brah.”
8 Likes
Also, per the film mentioned in the post, do not throw cocaine behind you in hopes of appeasing them. It’s even worse these days, unless you want to spend an hour hearing all about how the Ursacoin crypto is going to completely replace fiat currency because it is like a return to the Honey Standard
28 Likes
Announce your humanity by standing and waving your arms. Finally I understand…car dealerships are terrified of bears.
33 Likes
Question: if the friend is slower, why push them?
Bait.
1 Like
[BRIAN BLESSED has entered the chat]
12 Likes
Sentiment:
“I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”
Rebuttal:
19 Likes
22 Likes
It depends on the bear, really. Some bears will stop to eat your downed “friend”, some will go around them and continue chasing the one that’s still moving, and other bears will trample your downed friend while catching up to and eating you. That means that pushing your slower companion (are you really friends at this point?) is either going to save them, get them eaten for sure, or get them seriously hurt/possibly killed while you get eaten.
Meanwhile, leaving them to their own devices will probably get them caught by the bear. I mean, no matter what, you’re probably not going to see them again, at least one of you is going to be bear food. By not pushing them down, your own chances of surviving increase.
Now your faster “friend”…
6 Likes
Throw some marbles and hope for the best? 
10 Likes
well, if bears are anything like vampires, i guess they’ll have to stop and count them all… so, yes? 
7 Likes
10 Likes
The original post, I’ll bet, was just intended to have fun with an old joke and has gotten blown out of proportion.
Two friends walking in the woods:
“What will you do if we come across a bear?”
“I’ll start running?”
“Why? You can’t run faster than a bear.”
“No, I just have to run faster than you.”
2 Likes
‘Joke*’ or not, if somebody says that shit to me?
Period.
(*It’s actually a line of dialogue in the film Without a Paddle.)
11 Likes
“While it’s wise to play dead if confronted by a grizzly, with black bears, your best chance is to stand your ground and fight.” -Wikipedia
2 Likes
Ok, sure…
https://www.bearsmart.com/about-bears/know-the-difference/
Thank you, National Park Service, for reminding me why I try to stay out of the woods bear territory.
7 Likes
I’ll share what I’ve heard-- be aggressive, if it’s passive-- be passive, if it’s aggressive.
If it’s aggressive, it might have been startled or a sow protecting cubs – show that you’re not a threat, drop your gaze down, talk softly and slowly, turn sideways and slowly back away. It may “bluff” charge, but don’t run–even if its not a “bluff,” there is no point running.
If it’s passive, then its knows you’re there and doesn’t care. Its looking for a meal. Be as difficult of a target as you can. Yell, throw things, fight back, and make it want to look elsewhere for dinner.
2 Likes
