New hedge-fund HQ will have "Champagne" buttons for the traders' desks


#22

Is that what investors want to hear? The people responsible for managing their money drinking at work. Totally builds confidence … What could go wrong?


#23

There’s always blow at your desk and hookers in the golden bathrooms.


#24

I had a very similar experience and realization at the same time period.

Company: "We buy our developers free pizza every night at 6pm"
Me: "Your developers are working overtime every night?"
Company: “Well they are on salary so…hey where did he go?”

see, now you are talking. a coffee button that delivered the coffee i like, the way i like it, to my desk. now that is a true button of power. In fact I officially proclaim that ANY button that doesn’t deliver coffee is a waste of a button.


#25

Unlikely to be hedge funds. Pressing such a button in any serious fund would cause your P45 to arrive. It’s soho ffs. Think ad agency. Think media ‘start up’. Think tech evils.
Hedge funds live in hedge fund alley - near Curzon street.


#26

I would worry about my coffee reservoir though. I’m thinking pre-mixed in a tank under your desk or something. Could also have like, a communal reservoir and then mix the tubes at your desk…or, you know, have a waiter do it like this champagne probably does.


#27

Incredible.
Its like those people WANT to be hated by us mortal peons. Its like they want to be the first ones to march to the guillotines when the revolution starts.


#28

This is why I drink instant coffee at work. I don’t trust the coffee machine. No idea where that stuff comes from.


#29

I’m sure that people with the level of assets needed to invest in hedge funds always feel more comfortable putting them in the hands of drunk traders.

Nice marketing boneheads!


#30

What a bunch of goddamn showboats. Champagne isn’t even a drink most people really even LIKE all that much. Hardly anyone orders glass of Champagne when they head to a bar. Nobody pops open a bottle of bubbly to unwind when they get home from a long day at work.

This isn’t like free coffee at the office break room. This is purely about making the traders feel superior to the mere mortals struggling to survive in the streets below.


#31

The project is “built to last 100 years.”

Pretty sure the development of a champagne button heralds the collapse of society well before then…


#32

Dear God. I desperately need the exercise I get walking to the break room. Add a button at the desk and I’m dead six months later.

Actually, thinking about the fact that they’re advertising it publicly, as opposed to stating it as a perk to applicants, makes me think that it’s about trying to attract investment from people who feel they’ll make the most money from traders who want champagne delivered to their desk.

My base instinct is that would be a very small pool indeed. But then again, I’m constantly surprised that the factors that drive people’s behavior are very much the same no matter which part of the pyramid you’re looking at.


#33

There is a school of thought that anyone who makes a grotesque display of wealth and privilege must be pretty smart or they wouldn’t be able to flaunt their wealth and privilege.

It always struck me as an idiotic notion but it seems to be one of the ways Trump convinced voters that he was the right guy for the Presidency.


#34

You’d be surprised. Sparkling wine is a reliable (if not top) seller in most bars that serve it. Certainly at every bar I’ve ever worked at. A tap wine company I worked with actually ended up adding a Prosecco option to their line up, as it was the single most requested product for the first 2 years the company existed. All the wineries in my area are getting into sparkling wine. As its the fasted growing sales category for the region after Rose. And less rigidly seasonal. Lots of people love sparkling wine. Champagne or not.

That said it isn’t neccisarily Campagne that’s driving all of that. All of the action is in lighter, dryer, and often cheaper styles of sparkling wine. Domestics. Prosecco. Cava. French Crement. Not your big expensive bottles of yeasty rich champagne.


#35

Certain kinds of health-conscious alcoholics are quite fond of their mimosas.


#36

In 2016, TWO hedge fund managers each “earned” 1.3 BILLION dollars in compensation. Yeah, they think that is justified compensation. Start building those guillotines, people.


#37

To each their own I guess but if I ever feel a need to make a show of installing an ostentatious system for delivering alcoholic beverages to my workstation they’re gonna be Manhattans.


#38

Yeah, but those are just something you’re supposed to drink at breakfast while the help is preparing your Bloody Mary.


#39

uh oh. i thought drinking coffee was exercise…


#40

I had a job offer working as a programmer for an established hedge fund. They offered me 50% on top of my current salary, and the promise of bonuses approaching 60-70% of my salary, maybe more. I thought about it seriously but decided it would turn me into someone I wouldn’t like. (I’m very aware I’m privalaged to have that as an option)

While talking about the perks, they described how once a year you and a few others would head away for a weekend they described as like a stag do flying to another country with activities and lots of drink, all paid for by the company. To be honest that put me off, I’ll happily go on that with friends I like and trust, but not with colleagues who I suspect are arseholes.


#41