Originally published at: New York police investigator retires with full pension after stealing panties and lotion from Walmart | Boing Boing
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I’m not one to speculate on people’s motives, but this sounds like it might have been… sexual in nature.
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It should have put the lotion (and the panties) in the basket.
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Or he has sensitive skin and jockey shorts chafe his personal parts. Now that he’s retired, maybe he should consider some less restrictive clothing, possibly a utilikilt, bikini bottoms optional as long as he stays away from hot air vents and playground slides.
Either way, I hope he finds some relief.
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I guess “We Prosecute All Shoplifters” only applies to non-cops.
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William B. Keiffer allegedly stole moisturizer and women’s underwear from the store.
Your hypothesis of this event holds water. But, and it’s a big but, he may have needed the panties for applying the lotion to the afflicted area, I know it sounds a little strange, it’s not entirely impossible.
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Or else it gets the hose again!!!
At age 49, with a full pension, no less. Makes it hard to understand why so many LEOs are so angry. What a privilege!
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Yeah, and you wouldn’t believe the salary that privilege comes with. Within 5 years, you’re basically guaranteed to make six figures.
And that retirement starts at 50%. So he’ll live the rest of his life making more than most people do in their prime working years.
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… and then taken them to the cashier and paid for them.
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As much as I dislike cops, not sure I can logically hold a position someone deserves to lose their retirement/pension over petty theft. They should be charged and if convicted pay restitution and community service.
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stealing women’s underwear and moisturizer from a Walmart in Madison County
Ah yes: “The Walmarts of Madison County” like I’ve read about.
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Had the investigator been accused of shoplifting a greeting card and a bag of Halloween candy, it would just be a misdemeanor petty theft. There’d be no headline, indeed, no story.
You steal rather than purchase embarrassing (combinations of) items because they’re embarrassing. Calling out people for such thefts reinforces the stigma and perpetuates the problem. If it weren’t for kink shaming, he’d probably just have paid for the items and smiled when the checkout clerk said, “Have a nice weekend.”
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Under “Three Strikes” laws & mandatory sentencing, many petty shoplifters go to prison for years. That’s why this is not funny to me.
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If he’d simply retired at that point through the normal channels, would he have gotten that deal?
Perhaps there was method to his moisturizer?
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Yeah, well, you see a 14 year old boy buying moisturizer-and-ladies-underwear, and you think one thing; you see a 49 year old do it and you just assume he’s married…
I’m thinking this is probably more a klepto than a portnoy really
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Yeah. The pension is totally irrelevant to this story, and emphasizing it is just rage-clickbait. Commit misdemeanor theft, get misdemeanor punishments.
If you want to talk about certain pensions being too generous, then whether or not someone stole some panties at some point is irrelevant. But the idea that there should be a morality clause in your retirement is just bonkers.
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Beau Duffy. Great name.
This guy is old enough to know that lotion and panties is by far not the weirdest thing a Walmart cashier will ring up in a shift. No one would think twice about it.
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Were the panties XXL?
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Not fair that he got off without any repercussions, but as I understand, police get away with far worse things than stealing lotion and panties, so this doesn’t seem like a huge priority.
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