I would assume that you are not one to endorse the practical implementation of this theory?
ACAB, but I don’t see an especial injustice here. At most there’s a Caesar’s-wife argument that cops should be prosecuted by the book, but losing his job seems like a sufficient penalty in the end.
Non-cops shouldn’t be persecuted for trivial crimes, and non-cop public employees shouldn’t have shitty terms of employment, but two wrongs don’t make a right.
It’s an ironic note that this bad behavior on the part of the cop probably indicates other bad behaviors… Also, it’s a joke, son. Because the cops by adopting such theories that allows them to take dumb shit like broken windows and turn it into a means to serially harass poorer communities that tend to have more people of color, is pure projection on their part. They break petty laws and big laws, and believe it to be true of the people they are policing, because that’s what they do.
No sympathy from me. Even if he didn’t want to cop to using those items himself he could have simply allowed people to think he was buying them for a significant other.
People buy more embarrassing stuff from Walgreens all the time. Anyone who ever had to pay for a tube of Preparation H or Vagisil probably would have preferred the world at large didn’t know certain things about what was going on in their lives but most of us manage to avoid shoplifting.
Reminds me of the Buffalo Bill Moisturizer range that offered free pantie-hose with any purchase… the strap line was " Buy the lotion and you’ll get the hose for free"!! 
It’s also a reminder of the grim fact that there are hundreds of millions of men out there who would struggle to masturbate without using lotion.
Also, if you’re too embarrassed to be buying something, you really don’t want to get caught trying to steal it. Plus, in this day and age, was there nowhere he could buy these items using a robot checkout?
Or maybe the thrill of shoplifting forbidden items was itself the kink.
Did he just pocket it, or did he put the lotion in the basket?
Chief: We’ve all done it. Don’t be so hard-on yourself. Go home - get some rest… and for God’s sake, consider online shopping from now on, ya big galoot.
It’s a slippery slope. You start with lotion, after a while you need something with more viscosity. Next thing you know, you’re melting chunks of asphalt on a hibachi.
If it isn’t too much trouble, could you construct a time machine, head back to 1978, and have a quick word with my tween self?
A little late to the party 
@Mercenary_Garage got there a couple days ago.
Still, great minds think alike, I guess.
Oh I scrolled way too fast.
I would lose my highly regulated job for any misdemeanor. I don’t get a pension and won’t get anything if I retire at 49(!!! Or at any age) and get to avoid a charge.
I would be fired, still be charged, no pension or benefits, and have a hard time getting another job.
Fuck this guy.
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