No Action Figures Please




Good god, that’s a great impression of G-Man.

Did you read that, Rob?


Somebody got 5S’d.

In my last job we were allowed (strictly) only two personal items on our desk and had a photo of what our desk was meant to look like pinned to the partition walls.


This from a magazine that included a long-running feature called “Most dangerous object in the office,” including such gems as “Giant Unicycle” and “Pocket Artillery Miniature Cannon.”


How about a few Custom Action Figures of my family hung on the walls?


Wow, time to find a new job, eh?


You mean, for whoever wrote that memo?


Here at FunCo®, we have strive to have a Fun™ and Engaging© work place. However, as Fun™ is a scarce and finite resource, Fun™ use at work must be limited. Any unauthorized use of Fun™ while at work, or derived from workplace activities or as a result of work resources should stop immediately and be reported to the Fun™ Control Officer in your work area.
In this economy, we cannot afford to allow Fun™ leakages and waste. The board and management of FunCo® thank you for you compliance in this matter.


Sometimes, someone has to play the role of the dick and tell office-workers to clean up after themselves. But that someone doesn’t have to be a dick about it.

Their new office looks like an awful place to work, full of sound-reflecting surfaces and open areas so everyone can hear everything. I’d be horrified as an employee, knowing my next raise went instead to constructing a palace of cold, sterile drudgery. Kinda like a lot of their publication these days.

ETA: My favorite part about the whole letter was him pretty much saying “'we know there’s not going to be adequate lighting, but don’t bring your own lights. We’ll get to it.”


Nah, the memo is a symptom of the culture. Talking about the people working there.


Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden.


And how many pieces of flair were you required to wear?


God, what’s the point of Privilege if you can’t tell your employers to stuff it when a memo like this goes around?



He does realize that asking people who are involved in the tech world are also quiet often huge nerds, right? It’s not a bad thing mind you, being a nerd, but asking someone who covets action figures to not display them in a place they spend most of their waking hours is like asking them to rip their dick/tits off.


“In other news, Conde Nast Publications today announced the renaming of their flagship tech media property from WIRED to StickUpAss.”


Somebody decided to get rid of their best, most creative employees. Somebody desires a corporate-friendly tech “news” - non-innovative, non-threatening, non-controversial, boring pablum of well-paid-for, pre-cooked press releases.

Which will work for couple months to few years, until the attrition of the workhorse authors and brand-perception inertia of the readers do their combined jobs and Wired turns into yet another managered-out empty husk, yet another has-been.

WIRED is no longer a pirate ship. It’s the home of world-changing journalism. It’s the West Coast home of Condé Nast.

When you read this, you know they are a goner.


I think the memo’s author made a huge mistake by lumping the topic of securing confidential information in with dressing down the staff for such things as coffee stains on counters and action figures on desks.


“And, yes, I’m going to say it, action figures.”

PLEASE, let that become a new meme!


That’s genius. On April 1 every employee needs to put a Dadich action figure on their otherwise immaculate desk.