I take it you’ve never been in a bank? Or a call center?
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I’m betting he tried to feed it.
Depends on how badly you want to work somewhere I guess. VALVE HERE I COME!! OH GOD THIS WAS A TERRIBLE CHOICE
I love their hilarious send-ups of hit movies.
Almost every office I’ve ever worked in has had kitchen hygiene problems. Unless you see a full-time dishwasher in there, take ten seconds to wash out your fucking coffee mug. Don’t leave dirty dishes and garbage scattered around on countertops. Don’t microwave fish.
Saying hey man that’s housekeeping’s job, while technically true, makes you an asshole. When you stay at a hotel it’s the maid’s job to change your linens and clean the toilet; does that make it okay for you to puke in the bed and to not bother flushing?
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Look, man. I left a $5 tip. Can you please stop going on about that?
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And that was a chocolate stain on the bedsheet, dammit! I fell asleep on the complimentary mint. I swear!
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It’s a matter of degree. I was assuming that “coffee stains” meant coffee rings and the like – mostly because the managers here bring them up every so often when a bigshot is planning a visit.
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Idea for publicists: Send Wired branded coasters promoting your client.
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I did indeed.
Clean, your desk Doctor. freeman.
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Gee, it’d be a real shame if that memo got forwarded to OSHA…
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Pacific Bell
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Kudos. Perfect selection of the voice for the prose.
And then stellar inflection and cadence.
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If I worked there, you would have found increasing numbers of crudely assembled tribbles around your desk…
Edit to fix autocorrect…
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The only valid anything in that entire screed is the request for people to keep confidential/unfinished news stories out of sight. The rest of it is a great reason to not work at Wired - and neatly nestled in the prose is the true cause for this pedantry: It’s the West Coast home of Condé Nast.
These are the same “free thinkers” that own and run reddit.
What a load. No coffee stains on desks? If you want people to be creative then coffee stains are going to happen.
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Why is that? I ask as a non-coffee drinker. I would think I should have, I dunno, Mountain Dew or Dr Pepper rings everywhere, or spills from my occasional hot chocolate from Starbucks… but I don’t. I do get the occasional condensation drips, but those evaporate invisibly on my desk if I don’t bother to wipe them up.
Are most coffee mugs inherently drippy?
Yeah, that’s soooo lah-di-dah. They don’t want their drooling west-coast geek employees embarrassing the visiting brass who are used to doilies and extended pinkies over in the offices of Vogue and The New Yorker. I work over at the west coast home of Time Warner, a company with zillions in assets and revenue, and I work in a converted sawmill. I have guitars in my office, 12" Rocky Horror dolls, a framed certificate bestowing upon me the title of Reverend of the Church of Spiritual Humanism, a small statue of a horned red devil holding a sign that reads “Vote for Donald”, two Johnny Lightning cars (both 1970 Cougar convertibles like my own), a bunch of family photos, three movie posters, and a big buttload of scattered paperwork, plus god knows how much stuff. And yet the job gets done, the show gets on the air, nobody gets hurt, and everyone here at the studio seems to like having me around, even with my comfortably messy office. The pictures of these new Wired digs, even allowing for the fact that nobody had moved in yet, fill me with crawling horror. Why would anyone want to work in such an antiseptic controlling environment?
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I had a colleague who never finished one cup and never emptied it. It was there for months growing mould. He just left it on his desk and drank out of a new mug.
Of course, none of us ever did anything about it either (aside from observing how much mould there was).
You don’t drink coffee or alcohol?
These are called cultural mugs.
Also, moulds are nice pets.
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I know. It makes me, well, kinda not to be trusted. 
Don’t like coffee for the same reason I don’t drink alcohol: can’t stand the bitter taste. I have a six-year-old’s sweet tooth. And despite my longish hair and rock-n-roll tendencies, I’ve never tried a drug stronger than Tylenol (except for once when I had a tooth pulled the day before my wedding; I think I was prescribed something a tad stronger, but I only took it once).
I have several vices, but none of them turn out to be chemical, I always say.
