Noah fights a Tyrannosaurus in totally accurate Biblical interpretation


#21

Only Poe will ever know, and he’s not saying a word!

from the Amazon description:

More than just a novel, Noah: Man of Resolve features non-fiction sections in the back of the book that provide answers to popular questions about the time in which Noah lived and explain where certain characters and events from the book can be seen at the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky.


#22

Creation myth as to why T Rex has tiny arms: baby Jesus tore them asunder in the Protoevangelium Jacobi.


#23

COME ON ! This is obviously a member of the Abelisauridae familly, certainly a carnotaurus, and certainly not a T-Rex ! Where are you pedantic commenters when we need you ?


#24

This has gone deep in to Poe’s Law territory for me. Is this a satire or not?


#25

Gay Hunter Fox? Man I love his stuff on Fur Affinity.


#26

Creationists do not have a good record with dinosaur genitalia, if Charles Stross is correct.

http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/a-bird-in-hand.html


#27

Don’t know, but ‘Big G’ in the sky shrunk T-rex’s front legs to give Noah better chance. Fossils prove this.


#28

Better aerodynamics!

:slight_smile:


#29

Then it is a fine explication of the Bible. A fictional work far into the public domain.


#30

It’s JESUS ON A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!

but he doesn’t have an UZI or other gun type weapon?


#31

Unfortunately, probably real.


#32

I thought dinosaurs never existed, and Satan scattered all those fossils around to test our faith?


#33

Don’t be silly; UZIs and such weren’t available back then, otherwise…


#34

Ah, so it’s a large advert that you pay for, for a third-rate amusement park/brainwashing center. No thanks.


#35

The ridiculous ages the first men ostensibly achieved never ceases to perplex me (eg, Noah lives to be 950, Adam 930, Abraham 175). Moses had a barely conceivable age of 120.

Forget about the age of the Earth, 10,000 vs. 1,000,000,000 (orders of magnitude). People cant even deal with decades and centuries, how can they possibly conceive of billions?

But human lifespans. That should be comprehensible. We know how fragile life gets for 80- and 90-year-olds in this day and age. Let alone in ye olde times, when famine, disease, and ignorance make a 35 year-old old. A 100 year-old would be nearly impossible, let alone a 950 year old. The writers of the Old Testament insult their adherents when they expect them to swallow that. But when you see adherents like Ken Ham… you realize just how easy it is to create a religion.

Look what a biblical apologist says, when confronted by these lifespans:

In light of all this, I don’t feel that our lack of conclusiveness of the exact meaning of the text should cause anyone to despair about the truthfulness of Scripture. I think it’s fair to state that what the Lord intended to mean by these numbers and this genealogy is still what he intends, whether or not we understand it fully. I hold that the text, even apart from full human understanding, remains completely reliable to give its intended meaning.

Translation: It’s true, whatever it is. I just don’t know what it is. But I believe it!


#36

Try Song of Solomon instead


#37

Go to Amazon and search for “Amish romance”. Yes, that’s a real genre, and apparently quite lucrative.


#38

The one and only!


#39

I (jokingly) like to tell people that these ages a matter of consequence of the earth spinning MUCH faster when it was younger, the bible just scales this up without proper regard for the orbital year.


#40

The bible was in dog years.