Noah fights a Tyrannosaurus in totally accurate Biblical interpretation


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/06/21/noah-fights-a-tyrannosaurus-in.html


#2

I am fine with the dinosaurs and man together within the realm of FICTION.


#3

Spoiler: Noah wins by grabbing that enormous scrotum and hanging on for dear life. This also explains why tyrannosaurs went extinct.


#4

Noah fights a Tyrannosaurus in totally accurate Biblical interpretation

I had tickets to that show, but couldn’t make it. How won?


#5

If they think Noah took dinosaurs on the ark, that is 100% incorrect. It has been scienfaithfully proven that the “mass extinction” that wiped out the dinosaurs was, in fact, the Great Flood.


#6

As Noah stood on the arena’s hot sands, the jeers of the proto-Jews and secular humanists echoing in his 300-year-old ears, things were looking bleak. But then, suddenly…


#7

Apparently, they’re still around.


#8

Someone is going to have to do a update of Gore Vidal’s “Live from Golgotha”.


#9

Ugh - unscientific drivel. Dinosaurs have internal testes like modern birds.


#10

7 The Lord then said to Noah "You better not blow this. There’s a lot of money riding on it."
8 And Noah said unto the Lord "Chill, dude. Have I ever let you down?"
9 And the Lord said unto him "There was that one time with the velociraptors."
10 And Noah said "There were like eighteen of them. And I was drunk."
11 Then the Lord said unto him "We’re going to have to talk about your drinking problem some time. Are you sober now?"
12 And Noah answered him "I only had a small one. To steady my nerves a bit. It’s a goddamn fucking T. rex."
13 And the Lord said "Language, Noah. Remember the Third Commandment."
14 And Noah replied "Third what?"
15 Then the Lord said unto him "Oh, right, that was Moses. We haven’t had him yet. Never mind. Just go kick that big lizard’s scaly ass. Like I said, there’s a lot of money on this. I may have gotten in a bit deep with some very scary people."
16 And Noah answered "What?"
17 And the Lord said unto Noah “No one you know. Forget I said anything. Just don’t lose, OK? Seriously.”
[Saurians 3:7-17]


#11

I can’t wait until the Amazon reviews come out :smiley:


#12

Nicely done. Anyone who doesn’t know that God is the kind of degenerate gambler who’d bet on the outcome of a little girls’ game of jacks has never read the Book of Job.


#13

I’m always fascinated by the bios that people choose to share about themselves. From Amazon:

About the Author

TIM CHAFFEY is the Content Manager for the Ark Encounter and Creation Museum. A former pastor and teacher, Tim is a leukemia survivor and competes in half-marathons with his wife and son while his daughter cheers them on. He has earned advanced degrees specializing in apologetics, theology, and church history. A busy writer and speaker, Tim maintains a popular blog, has authored over a dozen books, and contributes regularly to Answers magazine and the Answers in Genesis website.

K. MARIE ADAMS has an obsession with words that once resulted in her being grounded for reading too much. Later, it served her well as she worked for many years at a bookstore and as a literature and grammar instructor. Now, as a graphic designer, her love of language goes by the fancy name of typography. She also volunteers for several ministries dedicated to rescuing young girls from modern day slavery.


#14

Do they hold the events in a palindrome?


#15

An organisation that rescues young Mormon and Baptist women and sends them to Harvard?


#16

Is this an example of right-wing humor?


#17

Holy shit! Bible fan-fiction is a market I’d never considered, so many possibilities. . . I wonder if the story of Sodom and Gomorrah could be a kind of “Christian-friendly porn.”


#18

I don’t think that incest and rape is really a suitable subject for Porn of any kind. :wink:


#19

But it’s in THE BIBLE!!! You want me to edit the “word of God”? For shame!


#20

Just wanted to say, I love how easy cancelling a post is on Boing Boing. A cathartic process, and no one will ever know the drivel I was able to purge.