North Korea invents new soft drink

boing
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You know ADD medication is just amphetamines, right? Hardly a revelation that they are similar to cocaine.

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Fantastic! Can I have something to eat with that?

No…?

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True but you’d be surprised how many people don’t realize that.

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No, Selenium Abstract, a much less potent substance.

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I can see the ad campaign now: Opening shot, DPRK party congress, Kim Jong Un has just finished an hours-long speech and sat down. Row upon row of party apparatchiks stand and applause enthusiastically. Cut to clock on the wall showing an unrealistic amount of time passing. Cut back to audience still clapping — except for one, a Jang Song Thaek lookalike, who begins to flag. He stops, and half-collapses into his chair. Kim looks at him angrily, starts to signal to his guard. Jang reaches into his briefcase, pulls forth a carton of the precious, life-giving Selenium-C mixture, downs it, and leaps to his feet, clapping twice as fast as anyone else. Cut to clock again, back to audience. Jang is still clapping, while around him the other apparatchiks are faltering, their hands bleeding, their false smiles frozen into rictuses of pain. Some collapse and are hauled away by guards. Pack shot.

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Wow, your profile pic is matching your comment. Or vice versa. Anyway, nice!

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Fair point.

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I often wonder if the wacky police-sniffer-dogs-warrantless-locker-search/Empirical American Civics 101 sweeps that they do in public schools ever go straight into embarassing shitshow territory when the triumphant cops discover that kids these days reek of amphetamines because they use amphetamines daily, 100% legally and by their doctors’ instructions and authorization…

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North Korea’s Ridiculousness reflects not badly on them, but on us.

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Holy shit. Snake oil. They’re 150 years behind the rest of the world.

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Brand names tested so far: “Uncle Pop”, “Root (of all evil) Beer”, “Tabs”, “Loyal Crown Cola”, and “Soda leader is always right.”

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So…Thunder Muscle?

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Is a mycardial infraction a uniquely North Korean condition, and is it punishable by death? ;>)

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