NY Times: "Add green peas to your guacamole." Entire Internet: "Fuck you."

boing
101

Terrible puns are my (cheese)wheelhouse.

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102

You’ve got me so steamed I have a mind to paddle you.

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103

But the ancient Olmec did not have green onions, and if all ingredients are not stone ground, throw the whole thing in the toilet. Seriously, guacamole is a dip. If someone wants to add peas, carrots, rutabagas, and they like the flavor/overall effect, good for them, and anyone else who wants to try it.

104

Challenge! Accepted!

When and where should I cook for you and your friends dinner? I may need a volunteer sous chef and a dietary/preference spreadsheet.

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105

Orange ya glad I’ve toned down the puns? They drive some people nuts.

ETA

One of my favorite jokes of all time.

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Banana.  Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Banana.  Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Banana.  Knock knock"
"Orange.  Ya glad I didn't say banana?"
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A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

[blow on whistle 10 times]

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

A: Knock Knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Philip Glass.
B: Philip Glass who?

If there is any interest, I shall try to describe the lighting and stage directions as provided by Robert Wilson.

[1]

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107 
Knock knock
Who's there?
John Cage.

4’33 of silence, then you walk away.

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108

The perfect Cagean rap-battle consists of two MC’s saying nothing, then doing a mic-drop.

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109 
Knock knock
Who's there?
Joseph Haydn
...oh god this is gonna be some boring tripe, GO AWAY!

I can do this all day.

110

His earliest composition was a short arpeggio which he subsequently repeated; his earliest composition was a short arpeggio which he subsequently repeated; subsequently repeated; repeated; short arpeggio which he subsequently repeated; repeated over and over; repeated over and over and over; repeated over and over and over and over and over and over.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

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111

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only thing better than 6 8-bit Philip Glasses, is 8-bit Philip Glass DOUBLED:

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113

Once upon a time, as a poor starving student in NYC we discovered that there was a half-price sushi place near Cooper Union (monday nights). So we go there to get some cheap eats. The way they make money on this deal is it took forever to get seated. We drank a lot of beer waiting. So we order up and being a dumb kid from the sticks (O-hi-o) I wasn’t sure what anything was, but it was tasty! So we are laughing and eating and I grab a big mound of that shredded white whatsit (daikon) jam it in my pie hole and basically swallow the whole thing in a gulp. Mistake: the large lump of wasabi was in there and it went down too.

Buuuuuurn.

I love wasabi now, adding it to all kinds of crazy things. And I love that sinus burn baby, keeps the juices flowing, nasal passages on alert etc. I just introduced my kids to bonito flakes (they love watching them ‘wave’ in the heat from the rice etc).

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114

I just made myself a guacamole sandwich.

  • avocado, lightly savaged
  • salt
  • a dash of sweet Pickle relish
  • Mustard on one side of the bread
  • cheap mayo on the other

I ate it while watch nic Cage wicker man gifs, and slurping a hard cider on ice.

My new name is Sam Winchester.

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115

Pardon me, but I believe we were talking about Philip Glass. Thread-jacker.

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116

Don’t be a glasshole.

117

Now it’s tempting to experiment with lentils, peppers, lemin juice, tomatoes, etc.

But I wouldn’t call it guacamole.

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