Opening a can without any tools


It seems easier to simply carry a p-38 can opener with you. I keep one in my wallet. I don’t think the TSA has ever noticed it

My can opener broke mid-jalapeño-opening the other day. My boyfriend said it was VERY IMPORTANT that we get this can open for the crockpot chili he was making, but neither of us wanted to get dressed and walk to the store to get a new can opener.

We didn’t have a churchkey, but we had one of those corkscrews that also have a knife that flips out, and the knife was a very tough serrated steel.

The serrated steel punched through that can like a boss. I got the whole thing open just sawing through.

I don’t recommend it though. It was pretty dangerous, now that I think about it. Gotta use a lot of elbow grease and if I’d slipped I could’ve seriously cut my hands.

Note to self: buy a new can opener already.


Strictly speaking, the block of concrete is a tool.


True, just like a pedant.

I’m sorry, but how could I not? It was set up on a tee!


“…all framed in post-apocalyptic terms…”

I.e. contemporary Putinic Russia.


I feel like I would like a list of all the blogs that carried this article, because I probably want to subscribe to some!

Thankfully, all post-apocalyptic scenarios involve plenty of concrete.


“Here’s a solution for when you find yourself without tools.”
“I just carry a tool with me.”

Of course it’s easier to us a p-38 can opener that a piece of concrete; but that assumes that (in your case) you at least have your wallet with you. Easiest of all would be to just have your servants open the can - in fact… what kind of idiot doesn’t plan ahead enough to have fresh meats and vegetables available at all times!?!

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to open a can at all you’ve probably made so many mistakes leading up to that point in your life that you can’t even see that the forethought which guarantees you a can opener ready at all times in fact illustrates a complete failure to organize your life on such a massive level that it staggers the mind.

Unless the comment was intended to be sarcastic; but I don’t see it.


That concrete block is both safer and more effective than many actual can openers I’ve used.


FPS Russia tackles tuna fish. Now his cats come running every time somebody starts scraping cans on concrete.


First thing I thought as well. “If you find yourself without a tool to open your can, step one is to identify a tool you can use to open the can.”

Still pretty interesting though, since it’s certainly not one many people would have thought of.

Sure, spoil a scene in I have no mouth and cannot scream.

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A British man, a French man and a Russian stand before a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Look how reserved they are,” says the Brit. “They are British.”

The French man says “They’re naked, and so beautiful. They must be French.”

The Russian chuckles. “They have no clothes, no shelter, all they’ve got is one lousy apple, and they’ve been told they live in a paradise. Obviously they are Russian.”


If you need to fatten up your cat to toss to the zombies chasing you its a good trick to know.

There’s a cooler Russian guy who opens cans with bare hands:

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Just ask a nearby strag to let you borrow a can opener. As long as you know where your towel is, it shouldn’t be an issue.


Why not just put the can on an open fire like we just used to do at school camp? Not only is it much less exhausting, the contents are fully cooked when they burst out of the can.

The trick is to make sure that you’re standing close enough and keep your mouth open so that you don’t miss out.

Gah, I kept expecting him to slice open a thumb in that second video.

I once found a chunk of can embedded in a tree after some idiot did this.