Phoenix Jones conducts fitness-based Seattle superhero purge





Damn you. I was looking for one like that.


Crap those are low standards. They should at least have some cardio in there. The standard should be something more like a basic military PT standard 2mile run in under 20 minutes at least 50 pushups and as many situps in 2 minutes. I mean superheroes should be better than an average GI but my list puts you about middlin’ average for a soldier. The army uses a points system than is easily adapted so someone might suck at running but have awesome power in the upper-body.

If you’re going to be a super vigilante then you had best be at least as tough as some fatbody GI.


Sure superheros should be at least on par with the average soldier, but what about the average cosplayer? Because, I’m thinking this is the average “super hero”:


Worst. Cosplay. Ever.




This is the most important thing I pulled out of that article: Rex Velvet!


The “read the rest” wound up sounding like something from The Onion. I had to Wiki this to figure out if it was for real or not.

I’m still not sure.


So basically the requirement is to barely have more control over your body than a sack of potatoes? Seems reasonable.


B-zinga! :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:


So long Lackadaisical Lass, Kid Apathy and Lazy Bones, the Stupor Hound.


Holy physical jerks Pullup Man, how can we stop these villians?

We have the powet Pushup Boy! Drop and give me five!

…and the city was safe once mote.


This is how supervillains are made. Purged heroes are probably building lairs and divvying up nemeses as we speak.


I’m pretty sure that Captain Hammer heartily approves of the notion that super-heroism is largely a function of brute strength…

Less unanimity is observed among people familiar with problems that can’t be fixed by blunt trauma.


Think of the minions!


I’m presuming " lair" is also known as “basement game room” and “nemeses” are some kind of snack.


Rhete’s somering wrong wirh yout keyboard.


Yeth theer is, I am the amazing androif keybrord msn, ready to strije feat into the hearts of sny text based villianary.


I think that the real headline should be “Phoenix Jones still taking himself and his ‘movement’ way more seriously than the evidence would warrant.”