Phoenix Jones conducts fitness-based Seattle superhero purge


#1

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#2


#3

Damn you. I was looking for one like that.


#4

Crap those are low standards. They should at least have some cardio in there. The standard should be something more like a basic military PT standard 2mile run in under 20 minutes at least 50 pushups and as many situps in 2 minutes. I mean superheroes should be better than an average GI but my list puts you about middlin’ average for a soldier. The army uses a points system than is easily adapted so someone might suck at running but have awesome power in the upper-body.

If you’re going to be a super vigilante then you had best be at least as tough as some fatbody GI.


#5

Sure superheros should be at least on par with the average soldier, but what about the average cosplayer? Because, I’m thinking this is the average “super hero”:


#6

Worst. Cosplay. Ever.


#7

‘Stringent’.


#8

This is the most important thing I pulled out of that article: Rex Velvet!


#9

The “read the rest” wound up sounding like something from The Onion. I had to Wiki this to figure out if it was for real or not.

I’m still not sure.


#10

So basically the requirement is to barely have more control over your body than a sack of potatoes? Seems reasonable.


#11

B-zinga! :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:


#12

So long Lackadaisical Lass, Kid Apathy and Lazy Bones, the Stupor Hound.


#13

Holy physical jerks Pullup Man, how can we stop these villians?

We have the powet Pushup Boy! Drop and give me five!

…and the city was safe once mote.


#14

This is how supervillains are made. Purged heroes are probably building lairs and divvying up nemeses as we speak.


#15

I’m pretty sure that Captain Hammer heartily approves of the notion that super-heroism is largely a function of brute strength…

Less unanimity is observed among people familiar with problems that can’t be fixed by blunt trauma.


#16

Think of the minions!


#17

I’m presuming " lair" is also known as “basement game room” and “nemeses” are some kind of snack.


#18

Rhete’s somering wrong wirh yout keyboard.


#19

Yeth theer is, I am the amazing androif keybrord msn, ready to strije feat into the hearts of sny text based villianary.


#20

I think that the real headline should be “Phoenix Jones still taking himself and his ‘movement’ way more seriously than the evidence would warrant.”