Pizzeria owner tosses hot pizza at machete-wielding robber, pizza wasted but robbery thwarted

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/07/14/attempted-robbery-thwarted-by.html

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Artist’s rendering of the suspect:

pizza_face

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Anyone with experience blistering the roof of their mouth with molten pizza cheese will appreciate this; I hope the shop owner scored a direct hit on the guy’s face.

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Machete needs a buff to its stats, if it is coming up second to pizza as a weapon.

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Stargate Pizza? They’ve fallen so far after moving out of Cheyenne Mountain…

cheyenne

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Don’t bring a machete to a pizza fight!

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Pizza is my kryptonite too, machete man. But instead of it making me run away I must consume it all until I am immobile.

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That’s a straight-up ninja move right there.

image

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I bet Machete Guy didn’t do much monologuing after he was thwarted by Stargate Pizza Man. Molten cheese is like kitchen napalm on the skin.

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What the news omitted is the machete man who didn’t see the Goa’uld wrapped into the pizza until too late.

(deeply missing all things SG, especially Atlantis)

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I slammed him with a hot Hawaiian - ham, cheese and lotsa pineapple.
That musta really hit him hard.
He just screamed, Pineapple? and ran for his car.

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Obligatory:

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0:20 … wait for it…

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He was Thor about it.

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Always carry a pair of samurai swords. That little gun isn’t menacing enough.

Pie fight in 2020. Rough times.

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“You wanna piece’a me?” yelled the robber at the partially deaf store-owner, unknowingly sealing his fate.

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Anytime I read “machete” in a story like this I wonder if they just mean a large knife. Because usually when they show pictures it turns out not to have been an actual machete.

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