Police determine odd gelatinous object isn't murder victim's breast implant


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/12/01/police-determine-odd-gelatinou.html


#2

Well, at least those police are doing something useful.
And the guy who reported the jellyfish wasn’t shot or beaten to death.


#3

You don’t shoot or beat someone for reporting a jellyfish!

You waterboard them.


#4

But was the jellyfish okay?


#5

I was hoping it was the ever elusive peanutbutter&jellyfish, but alas my hopes are dashed.


#6

Are they not even considering the possibility of a murder victim with an implanted jellyfish?


#7

Who the hell finds a gelatinous object in a bag and leaps to the conclusion that it’s a breast implant from a murder victim? There’s so many weird leaps required to get to that conclusion. I blame the rise in police procedurals on television.


#8

The police have further clarified that it was a 38C jellyfish.

Weird side note - the office building I used to work in also contaned the headquarters for the Susan G. Koman foundation, which raises money for breast cancer research. Someone broke in, and actually stole a number of implants that were used for instructional purposes. Nothing else was taken.


#9

https://i.makeagif.com/media/11-27-2015/vgX8mg.gif


#10

99% chance of teenage boys.


#11

“I’m afraid you’ll have to come with us.
Please, it’s for your own safety.”


#12

Tomorrow’s headline: Dead Australian jellyfish escapes evidence lockup, kills 7


#13

Also…maybe jellyfish would make the perfect natural form of breast implant?


#14

“Yes, The FBI has a good track record on this sort of thing, trust us”


#15

All natural, 100% organic, free-range breast implants! No man-made materials! Sustainably sourced!

Still need some processing though. The tentacles would have to be removed.

These things are beautiful (till you step on one on the beach). Up close, floating on the water, they just sit there, till a wave knocks them over. Then they curl up ve-r-r-r-r-y slowly, till they plop upright again. Really weird to watch.


#16

Why not? We breed/kill livestock for meat/fats, why not raise animals for harvestable pharmaceuticals and such?


#17

Yeah, it’s being done. E.g., insulin used to be gotten from cows & pigs, but now it’s manufactured from bioengineered bacteria. And artificial heart valves are made from pig valves and cow pericardium (the membrane that surrounds the heart), but both of those are treated with chemicals to render them inert (but really strong and durable).

There’s patents awaiting here. :slight_smile:


#18

That’s Wibbly, my pet jellyfish.
So glad to hear the little fellow is OK. I don’t know how he ended up in Queensland with all those banana benders. I guess every jellyfish wants to visit Queensland and meet a real Irukandji jellyfish.


#19

Same as all the other Mexicans. Moved North to retire. :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

No it wasn’t the breast implant from a murder victim. It WAS the murder victim.