And the country continues to descend into the plot of a Coen brothers movie…
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You say that like it’s a bad thing.
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Obligatory reference
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Drive down any interstate, it seems. In Illinois at least, many of them are in former Stuckey’s locations (very convenient to the highway), sometimes even with the old peaked roof still in place. You’re right, though, they do tend to be away from the city.
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A satyr would have kicked Kirby’s ass.
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“And that’s not all…” 
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How and when did this man escape from Florida?
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One word: dildo.
As in, I can’t have a dildo delivered to my house; I’d better go to the adult video store.
What? You think they only sell porn videos?
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Satyrs gotta be satyrs. 
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I think more likely Missouri to Kansas to Oklahoma, but even then it seems like the scenic route.
Maybe stopped off at the Galena Dairy Queen and pulled out in the wrong direction… 
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Why can’t you have a dildo delivered to your house? Weird laws in your state? I’m 100% sure without even checking that Amazon sells dildos.
It’s not like they let you try it out in the store (I hope), so it doesn’t seem like there’s a need to go to the showroom.
Many people prefer not to have adult products delivered to their home for fear of someone else who lives there, or even their neighbors, finding out.
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You could ship them to an Amazon locker if this is a concern. I’m pretty sure they’ll ship in a nondescript cardboard box.
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Were they planning on having…goatse.cx?
(Link goes to Wikipedia.)
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It’s a toys in the front, theaters in the back situation, I suspect. Separate entrances. Bet it was a ‘Lion’s Den’ location.
Living in the same general geographical region where this story takes place, I’ve encountered this before. The back parking lot (for the theater) is packed, the front lot is empty and there’ll be a sign along the roadside on your way out telling you just how hot your hellfire will be.
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I do like spice 
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Plural of spouse, amirite?
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Not as such, but a lot depends on proper editing.
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