Police refuse to launch hunt for sandwich-stealing seagull

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And yet somehow they find time to investigate trivial ‘crimes’ like murders. Why am I paying my taxes again?


Let me guess…the suspect was white.




What’s worse, after that they wouldn’t even help fix his air-conditioner. His sandwich was stolen, and he was sweaty.

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It starts out at sandwich stealing, but eventually…


Isn’t it better to nip the problem in the bud early on? An ounce of prevention…

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Yeah, but at least we’re safe from loosies.

Its organized crime they work in gangs.One or two seagulls will distract you while another one swipes your sandwich.But most of them are honest,you can tell because as soon as a sandwich is stolen approx 50 to 100 seagulls will try to take away the ill gotten gains from the main offender,no doubt to be used as evidence in a later criminal trial.

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Many years ago we were staying at a hotel by the ocean, and my wife had some leftover steak from dinner, in a styrofoam clamshell container. We left it out on the hotel room balcony, and were woken up around dawn by a seagull attacking it and carrying away her steak. We later decided that the memory from the trip was worth more than the pleasure of eating the leftover would have been.

Seagulls often rob each other, too. Keyport NJ has a seafood restaurant by the docks - you get your fried fish and eat it out by the water, and the seagulls will come beg for food. If you toss them a french fry, one will grab it and fly away and the others will try to steal it. A friend suggested tossing them a lemon wedge - one grabs it, the others chase, the one with the lemon suddenly notices it’s not tasty food at all, squawks and drops it, another grabs it, flies a few beats, squawks and drops it, repeat until you run out of gullible seagulls or it gets dropped in the water.

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