“quantities of intercepted bologna are so large that it’s hard to believe that there are any pigs left in the world”
There you’ve kinda glanced off the actual issue. Factory farming increases the likelihood of zoonotic illnesses, and more animal-friendly forms of animal husbandry are too big of a burden on the environment (assuming the same production volume). The only solution is to drastically lower meat consumption.
Fear and loathing at the contraband bologna warehouse?
No matter how much bologna is in this story, it absolutely pales in comparison to the bologna that is spewed at each and every CPAC meeting.
Are you implying… long bologna?
I never eat luncheon meat that has a face.
Obviously they’ll get more sophisticated in their future meat smuggling endeavors - changing form, packaging, etc. I for one welcome our bologna fry overlords.
And eventually, when bologna is criminalized, only criminals will make bologna at home.
People kvetching about the troubles at the Texas/Mexico border have always seemed kinda full of baloney, but I had no idea.
It was just the setup to a “that’s a lot of bologna” joke, friend. 
I admit it was low-hanging fruit, but then you can’t expect me to buy my fruit from the grocery store. Who knows where that stuff is from.
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