Seven Religious Jokes for Monday 
One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.” The second said, “My teacher has so much self control, he can go days without sleep.” The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”
Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just can’t get that screwed up in one lifetime.
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
Q: What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?
A: Stays awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.” – George Burns
Q: According to a Hindu vegetarian, what’s the best way to keep milk fresh?
A: Leave it in the cow!
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted “PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD.”
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”
Back at Xerox Albini’s copypasta factory, Supervisor Joe looked up from his bowl of perfectly al-dente Fettucine Carbonara.
Something didn’t smell right.
Years of experience had given him almost a sixth sense when it came to the moods and subtleties of the great duplicators and he hadn’t felt like this since the Parmigiano-Reggiano Incident of '84.
Right now, things felt more out of place than a lugano olive in a plate of Alfredo…
@M_M, I think your account has been hacked. Flossie, that’s not nice.
Wait. You don’t suppose…?
Nah, s’all good. Just practicing for NaNoWriMo at some point. Not this year. Maybe next. 
John Henrik Clarke on African Popes, Roman emperors who were African, evolution of Christianity, spirituality, religious oppression and spiritual slavery.
John Cooper Clarke on Love.
