“If I were a cassowary
On the plains of Timbuctoo,
I would eat a missionary,
Cassock, band, and hymn-book too.”
—Samuel Wilberforce.
(Just thought I’d throw that in there.)
Patient Zero of the Cassowary Scourge that depopulated North America 2019-2021, after a singularly ill-advised mass breeding program led to escaped cassowaries becoming the most successful introduced species on the Florida shores (humanity included).
“Why would they breed these murderous tank-knife-birds here? What made the Florida Man’s soul grow so nihilistic?” - Spray-painted on the wall of the Lincoln Memorial, as found by a research team in 2036.
Emu-like? Doesnt sound that bad.
Okay, imagine that puppet, but inside, the guy’s holding an army knife.
“Rare giant bird” is such a soft-pedal description for the most dangerous bird that intentionally murders humans, and can do it with ease.
People used to flip out over pit bull breeders. This guy was breeding this bird outside of Australia.
We used to have even better ones.
……Aaaand it tastes like chicken !
No, we taste like chicken !
Don’t worry, like any comic book villain, Florida Man will be back as soon as the writers forget that they offed him in another series.
Puppet?
I’m quite familiar with cassowaries. I was remarking to the missus this morning that emu-like was inadequate and overlooks the murder-claws.
Again, I don’t trust birds and neither should you.
They kept us suppressed under their murder claws for all those millions of years and now want us to trust them? No, say I! Never forget the mesozoic!
If this venn diagram was for cassowary rather than ostrich, the two circles wouldn’t even be on the same page.
I’ve never heard of this bird before, but for some reason its name brought Looney Tunes to mind.
It’s wabbit season!
Cassowary season!
Wabbit season!
Cassowary season!
Casswary: “it’s people season!”
So shoot him now!
Okay, who thought it was a good idea to mix Florida and Australia?
