Oh, this show sounds worse. I cannot believe they ambushed these “contestants” and made them watch what others said about them, so that showrunners could capture their emotional pain on camera. Victims, indeed.
But this is so human. It’s what we do. Try playing this game with young kids - ask them to order some random stuff. Dogs, ice cream, their home town, airplanes, mornings, their best friend, sofas, having a bath, bikes, bananas. You can put anything in the list, and they’ll happily order it for you. They don’t twitch. It’s what we adults do subconsciously before consciously claiming this is a silly game that doesn’t make sense. Sure, evaluating someones attractiveness is a complex, multi-faceted thing. But ultimately, it comes down to this-one-or-that-one (at least for monogamists),which is effectively a single number.
Let me tell you how many times I’ve gone from “most beautiful gorgeous angel” to “fat ugly skank bitch” in the space of an “I’m not interested.”
It really is a consent issue. It’s the tippity top of a slippery slope.
This is called harassment.
I’d have gone with
But yes, exactly.
Enough of the “but it’s cute when…”
No. No it isn’t.
Moreover, the commenter replied to my first comment in the thread when I’d already had a long conversation downthread where I and others had already addressed some of the same points. It’s like talking to a wall!
Better than banging your head on it at least…
Ever watched a group of kids when they think you’re not looking? This kind of behavior is where the evil ones get their first taste for blood. It’s not cute at all.
Then I’m sorry if I present a wall. What I find interesting is that you can take something as complicated as human attraction and, if you push a little, reduce it to a simple rank. I’m not saying this is the basis for a lifetime partnership (I’m not saying it isn’t), I just find it interesting that we all do it.
Why so much snark?
Very interesting discussion here. I think the multitude of opinions about this underline perfectly why we have a social rule in the Western countries that it is not acceptable to comment on people’s appearances, and now I understand that this is indeed the better option. I hadn’t considered both sides of the fence adequately. I also would sincerely like to apologise to anyone who has had unsolicited attention and felt uncomfortable by it.
Sometimes I wish people had tails. You could put it up when you’re happy to chat to strangers and put it down when you’d rather be left alone. (: In Tanzania you were expected to chat to everyone who you came across, even if it was just to say hello. One time my wife was in the garden doing some woodworking wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and this group of women walked past. They complimented her “knickers”.
Some of us find reducing other human beings to mere numbers to be, well… dehumanzing. Sorry if that offends you.
I think there is a big difference between chatting, which is common in some cultures - see the differences between the American south, where eye contact, nods, waving hi to strangers is considered polite vs. NYC where you are expected to mind your own business on the street - and street harassment - cat calling, whistling, giving random people numbers in a way that they can hear you as you’re walking down the street, or even interrupting someone’s day to tell them how “hot” you think they are (and then getting pissed when they want to be left alone).
What people do in their own heads, or possibly chatting quietly with friends (even if I personally find it gross) is one thing, but it crosses the line when people are being shouted at as they go about their business. It’s selfish, I think, to imagine that every person someone finds attractive while in a public place NEEDS to be told so. They don’t. I think that’s where the issue divides for some. Some see a person telling someone else that they are hot to be a compliment. It’s generally just disruptive to the other person’s day.
It really doesn’t offend me. I think you delude yourself that you don’t do it, but that’s a discussion you don’t seem to want to engage - and you are free to choose not to. I am (very, very mildly) offended by the suggestion that I don’t bother reading the thread and have simply regurgitated what others had already said. So, more numbers…
There is something to be said for honest feedback. Friends are often too scared to give honest feedback so strangers can be more useful. Consent is important but can be done nonverbally. This thread is disturbing to me because it furthers the idea that strangers can’t give useful feedback, which furthers my difficulties getting honest feedback from strangers when desired.
Are you asking if that outfit makes you look fat? Oh, no, no…I’ve heard what happens to people who answer THAT question honestly!
If I dont’ think like you, I’m wrong? Okay.
I AM AN ACTUAL PERSON, WHO IS MORE THAN THE SUM OF MY PARTS. I’m sorry that offends your delicate sensibilities.
The point isn’t that we don’t find people who walk down the street attractive. That’s human. Categorizing them as lesser than or greater than because of a great pair of tits (or a great ass, or whatever) is dehumanizing. It’s not about not finding people attractive or pretending like we don’t. Putting them into categories of worthiness based solely on their appearance is reductive bullshit. I don’t get why treating people like human beings instead of slabs of meat is such an offensive to some people.
Can give useful feedback, yes. Do give useful feedback … not most of the time, no. As I said earlier, if I’m walking a long and a man passing me says “Wow you’re beautiful!”, and I say “Good morning” and keep walking because I have things to do and I don’t care, and he then gets mad and calls me ugly… none of that is honest feedback. That’s not just a compliment, it’s a statement made in expectation of a specific result. When he doesn’t get that result, his “feedback” changes.
Neither of those statements are useful, honest feedback. He wants something in return, be it my attention or what have you. Now imagine this happens, oh, once or twice a week for 20+ years of your life. Minimum.
One of the side effects of things like this is apparently I find myself trying to assign numbers to people. The other day I saw someone and decided she was an eight did not tell her or announce it to the world and went on with my life. I think the numerical assignment has faded and I am back to my not assigning numbers to people.