Read the bizarre Olympic Committee demands that led Oslo to pull out of the 2022 hosting race

boing
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I worked in a venue that was small but favored by a lot of acts that usually play arenas. The most diva demand I personally saw was Missy Elliot’s requirement for a brand-new toilet seat to be installed in her dressing room. That’s not even really crazy, I totally get that some people are squicked out about sharing toilets, even though I’m much more sanguine – I don’t even use the ass gaskets.

Iggy and the Stooges’ rider is an entertaining read.

1 X KORG 2000 DIGITAL RACK TUNER. Digital in the sense that it works via an electronically generated number system, not digital because it only works if someone holds it together with their fingers

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Love Hunger. It’s what I recommend for people who think Dostoevsky goes on a bit.

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Sadly, most of the riders I used to see were pretty boring tech riders, and catering was happily nothing to do with me. The only requirement that sticks in the mind was from Jools Holland’s band (who also had a huge drinks rider, much of which they generously left behind): dozens of stamped postcards of the area. Allegedly, when they started touring, somebody had the idea of sending a card to their mum to tell her where they were; and they all started doing it.

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Come on Oslo, step up your game:

• They demand to meet the king prior to the opening ceremony. Afterwards, there shall be a cocktail reception. Drinks shall be paid for by the Royal Palace or the local organizing committee.

Supply an Elvis impersonator to greet them. Cocktails will consist of aquavit and ice, if wanted.

• Separate lanes should be created on all roads where IOC members will travel, which are not to be used by regular people or public transportation.

Bike lanes will be closed for IOC-use only. Given that it will be February, it is advised to bring appropriate garments.

• A welcome greeting from the local Olympic boss and the hotel manager should be presented in IOC members’ rooms, along with fruit and cakes of the season. (Seasonal fruit in Oslo in February is a challenge …)

A card with the word ‘Welcome’ will be left in each room, along with a bag of dried apricots and cheeries and a krumkake.

• The hotel bar at their hotel should extend its hours “extra late” and the minibars must stock Coke products.

The bar will remain open an extra 30 minutes, distinctly later, and extra. Minibars will, of course, include Diet Caffeine-free Coke.

• The IOC president shall be welcomed ceremoniously on the runway when he arrives.

Jan, the janitor, has offered to greet the IOC president. He is working to learn the Olympic fanfare on the birch trumpet.

• The IOC members should have separate entrances and exits to and from the airport.

All IOC members are guaranteed to be processed through secondary security screening, escorted directly by police and airport security the entire time.

• During the opening and closing ceremonies a fully stocked bar shall be available. During competition days, wine and beer will do at the stadium lounge.

Aquavit of many flavors will be available at all venues…and wine and beer “will not do” at the stadium lounge…more aquavit. Only the best!

• IOC members shall be greeted with a smile when arriving at their hotel.

In order to avoid confusion, all IOC will be required to wear large conical hats emblazoned with “IOC MEMBER, PLEASE SMILE”. This will both guarantee proper identification and smiles.

• Meeting rooms shall be kept at exactly 20 degrees Celsius at all times.

Due to the laws of thermodynamics, we can guarantee the room will be 20 degrees Celsius, but cannot do so without making the room a vacuum. We apologize for any inconvenience or explosive decompression.

• The hot food offered in the lounges at venues should be replaced at regular intervals, as IOC members might “risk” having to eat several meals at the same lounge during the Olympics.

Fresh smalahove (sheep head) will be available continuously throughout the IOC members’ stay.

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Its even more insecure than Have you driven a Ford lately?

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lol. I drove a Ford Aerostar for many years. I prefer my current Honda Accord. The Accord is able to pick a gear and stay in it. The Aerostar, not so much. Unless you go at an odd speed like 37mph, or 63mph. Otherwise it’d shift between the current drive and 1st about once every 6 seconds.

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Haha. We (Melbourne) lost to you guys. I cycled into the city to watch the announcement. I remember being disappointed…

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I sure hope the IOC didn’t learn too much from FIFA’s meltdown :wink:

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I get that the IOC are about as valuable as the stuff stuck to the side of my cat’s litterbox… But they’re not worth committing war crimes over.

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Beijing huh… Of course all that fresh clean air would be a boost for the participants.
Here we see 2 getting ready for the 100m life dash: Make it to the finish line still breathing and you win.

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You’re looking at it the wrong way, you want a word or phrase that insults everyone equally.
I’ve always gone with “arseholes”; everyone has one, they’re unpleasant, and it doesn’t need much translating.

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I didn’t want to set the tenor by replying first, so here’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen on a rider: “escorts” (written just like that, including quotes) to accompany the band to the after-show party. The rider even specified “at least two redheads.”

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Extra :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:s for that one! Laughed until eyes felt distinctly wet…

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Also, I get the distinct feeling I read these news already, and a fairly long time ago?

But yeah. In short, the IOC committee is corrupt and depraved. They all deserve a nice winter holiday on Svalbard. Of course they get to start right out in the beautiful, scenic, polar bear-infested wilderness. Minus footwear.

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Just seeing what the Olympics seems to do to each city it touches, it makes me extra glad that Chicago didn’t get this year’s Games. Between the general traffic issues and IOC high-handedness, the city would have been a clusterfuck this summer.

Still, it’s hard to believe that Chicago politicians would be such amateurs at corruption that they would fail to land it. But, Illinois is broke enough that I guess they couldn’t offer big enough bribes.

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A less polluted location would be better. Is Qatar polluted? I heard that it was an excellent location for football matches.

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I miss Avery Brundage. In many ways he was a dick, but he was an honest dick, and fanatically opposed to the commercial exploitation of the Games. When he was succeeded by Lord Killanin, that was the beginning of the end. It’s just corporate- and nation-state-sponsored entertainment now. Mostly, the best-financed win.

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I have relatives who are really into sports. They enjoy athletics, soccer, tennis, ice hockey, all kinds of stuff really.

Now, I will talk about these things with them:
‘Not much longer to the games in Rio,’ I’ll say, ‘and word on the street is that Rio is still a major cesspool and (of course) corrupt enough for two.’ - ‘Yeah, yeah,’ they’ll say. ‘[insert heard Rio-horror-story here]’
‘And the IOC is basically comically corrupt, just like the FIFA, they’re not even hiding the fact any more.’ - ‘Yup,’ they say, ‘everyone knows that.’ -
‘And then there’s the doping,’ says I, the team from Russia, that sort of thing.’ - ‘Oh yeah, the whole bunch, totally jacked up, true that.’ -
'So nice, that Hamburg pulled out of its bid. You know, London really did not recover well from their games. And basically at this stage they’ll just keep ‘awarding’ these games to the most callous fascist nations the can find - ‘Sure, sure’
‘You know,’ says I, ‘I’m not gonna subscribe to bs like this. Sports should showcase human greatness and not the exact opposite! I’m not gonna watch that kinda crap and the FIFA and IOC can suck a big veiny one for all I care.’ - ‘Oh,’ says they ‘that’s good, people should really do that.’

And then nothing changes; and they still get hooked on the bi-annual hype train, and they still watch that stuff on the telly; and they still celebrate that ‘we’ won in some sport no one gave a crap about just days ago.

Often I just don’t get people, man.

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Sounds like we have some candidates for the first Mars settlement mission. Hmmm, scratch that. The last thing we need is to have the new Mars colony governed by this bunch. Let’s shoot them into the sun instead.

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Sez you!