Rejoice, for the first ever First-Person Jesus video game is finally available

I’m imagining first-person Jesus doing finger-guns and shooting miracle laser beams out of them: “[pew pew] You get healed, you get healed! [bwazap] Fuck that fig tree! [zing] Go jump in a pig, demons!” etc.

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If it doesn’t include a Santa showdown like Fight of Gods, I’m not playing.

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Camping his re-spawn point?

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Now I want to see Jesus vs. Aquaman

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That one’s definitely going to be a first-person game. Though I expect there’s going to be an argument about who to include as player 2.

Also, the flying horse level is an unexpected genre shift.

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Better not have ray-traced reflections.

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Red Dead Vicarious Redemption?

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Jesus will rise again…to kick ass!!

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I will not take part in the Jesus jokes, I heard he gets really cross.

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I thought the whole point was that Jesus was not privileged (in terms of being a human, rather than the son of God). He was an itinerant rabbi on the radical fringes of the Pharisees, (most of the power in 1st century Judaism was held by the Saducees) in Roman occupied Judea and Galilee. He spent his early years as a refugee in Egypt.

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the last shot, where he’s floating in the sky . . . i kept waiting for one of his sandals to fall off

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At which point he grouses “Oh, for Dad’s sake!”

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I don’t know that those can be separated, I mean like many privileged humans dad bailed him out, but how many dads are able to bail out their kids from hell

But still you’ll never get it right
'Cause when you’re laid in a lake of fire at night
unleashing all guilt upon your soul
If you called your dad he could stop it all, yeah

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Yep… the fact that they are calling him the most privileged just reveals their allegience to the false Jesus of supply side jesus… They don’t know the bible, frankly or the underlying message he seemingly tried to impart to people…

I think they can. I think we can hold in our heads that he had a decent underlying message, and that various attempts to interpret him have twisted his words all to hell. But of course, it’s difficult to know what the historical Jesus actually did or said, given that the gospels were all written later, well after his execution. Some interpretation like what Reza Aslan had, that he was one of my supposed messiahs, seeking to rally the Jewish people against their Roman oppressors, makes the most sense to me…

jarvis cocker 90s GIF

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I have to admit though that this makes me more interested in seeing what kind of game they make. My guess is that it will be much more heretical than 90s sorcorous shooter Heretic ever was

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Internet Win GIF

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