Saudi King Salman’s golden escalator breaks down at Russian airport


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I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an “Escalator temporarily out of order” sign, only “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” —Mitch Hedberg


Heads will roll…maybe literally.


In dark times, I’ll take these on-the-nose serendipitous living metaphors wherever I can get them. Thanks.


I want to know if the King can get back up the stairs now.


This is of course incorrect. I once missed a change at Houston because one side of an escalator had broken down and the steps had been removed for maintenance, so people had to walk up and down a single stationary escalator, causing long holdups (try getting two people with those oversized carry on bags to pass one another on an escalator).
To add insult to injury, this being Texas wherever nobody is ever wrong, a notice on the non-functioning half of the escalator read “This escalator is closed as an energy saving measure.”


I thought he always had a spare?


If only that were true. Fatal “Itchy & Scratchy”-style escalator accidents are rare, but they do happen. Don’t look up photos or videos though. Nobody needs to see that, especially this week.


awwww. poor baby.


I was going to suggest that he’d never traveled on the Washington Metro.

P.S. A quick way to turn an escalator into stairs is to jam a plastic push-pin into the handrail. I just know. I’m telling you now, so there’s no need to try this at home.


Can’t you just press the emergency stop?


Not if you’re in the middle, and/or trying to be discreet about it.


I’m trying to understand the mechanism of this. So I have the rubber handrail in hand, and I simply pull an ordinary push pin (aka thumb tack) out of my pocket and stick it into the rubber and everything stops? Why?


I am guessing that the escalator has a whole lot of sensors which try to detect body parts being jammed in the mechanism. The hand rail is a prime danger area especially for children who might push fingers up and under the rail, so the escalator detects that and stops.

edit: also I am fairly sure that King Salman of Saudi Arabia has never used the Washington Metro.



To clarify, it’s when the handrail carries the pin into the escalator housing (by which time the perpetrator has casually walked away). Presumably it’s a safety feature, e.g. what if, instead of a push-pin, it was a kid’s finger?

EDIT: By pushpin, I mean one of these:

At least, that’s how the escalators worked back in 1991 or '92.


Saury King Salmon’s golden (shiner) escabeche breaks clownfish down at Russian port


I saw a sign once at a mall in Toronto that put it perfectly.

"Caution: Escalator pretending to be stairs."


No doubt Trump will want a golden escalator to carry him down from Air Force One.


Well, he can just piss on the effing stairs. He’s pissed on everything else.


No, they can definitely break very badly.