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These causal touchy feely types acknowledge that their behavior is different from the norm, so there’s no reason for them to assume that their back rubs/ shoulder grabs/ ass pats are welcome or workplace accepted.
There’s a degree of trading on their position to get people to tolerate that behavior because the recipient is too intimidated to ask them to stop. It is a power play similar to unwanted sexual touching, in that they are crossing boundaries intentionally and they are allowed to do so because of their position.
Until I see a subordinate engaging in that behavior and/ or one of these guys doing it to someone of equal status (and of course ANY of this behavior being reciprocal), I will assume that this is not because they are touchy and being friendly, but that it is because they like being able to exert power over someone and get away with it.
The example of the woman manager giving back rubs to the gay guy does not make me think that her back rubs are harmless and nonsexual, but that she is intentionally targeting someone who is least likely to speak up.
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It’s all a dominance game. Crossing boundaries without being called on it.
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This is an important answer to people saying that he’s just a touchy-feely guy. I have had touchy-feely friends who behaved in ways I wouldn’t, but I could accept them as different than me. If my boss behaved the same way I wouldn’t really have a choice. It wouldn’t be about me accepting them as a part of the human mosaic, it would be about me not wanting to having my employment affected.
Another excellent thing to highlight - this kind of thing always targets people who are least likely to speak out/most vulnerable.
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About 25 years ago a male, straight boss spontaneously gave me a shoulder massage while I was working. To me, it was merely annoying (and did absolutely nothing to relax me), but I wonder if it was just to give him cover for doing the same to my female co-workers.
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Makes me wonder when Dubya will get accused of sexual assault and if it’ll stick.
I guess you’re citing me here, but nowhere did I say she was a “manager”-- in fact she’s not, she works in a different department and is roughly the same level as the guy she massages. She has no executive powers over his job whatsoever. (FWIW)
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Ugh really should have gone back and reread your comment before using it as an example. Apologies to you and for using a bad example.
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I guess a woman who gets raped is imparted with the responsibility of being a martyr?
Christ almighty who was born of a virgin to die on a cross for our sins!
You’re right, Alec Baldwin, if a woman takes a settlement and agrees to stay quiet that does not further the cause of eliminated sexual assault from society. But for some reason we don’t put robbery victims in charge of ridding society of robbery or corpses in charge of ridding society of murder.
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