'Star Wars: Episode VII' cast announced


#1

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#2

Oh goody. Andy Serkis. Crappy mocap CGI bollocks again, then.


#3

I was just thinking the exact same thing.


#4

Will Domhnall play both twins?

How many months till they tell us character names?


#5

The series is beyond saving. We can only hope that its actually fun this time.


#6

My 5 year-old self just gave my 34 year-old self a high five.


#7

I can exclusively reveal the plot of this film:

Luke and Han went rogue soon after the events of RoTJ, and have just been paroled after serving 30 years in Dathomir Imperial Prison for hijacking a Corellian freighter called The Gold Coast Flyer.

Their parole officer, (Driver), who seems to be more of a fan of historically notable criminals than a representative of the Republic, meets Han and Luke at the gates and offers them a ride. Meanwhile, an elderly bounty hunter with bad eyesight (Von Sydow) who still has an outstanding contract on them, greets them at the gate and immediately tries to kill them. Han and Luke manage to get away and meet up with Driver at his speeder.

At Drivers’s office, they’re informed of the conditions of their parole. Han, is committed to a retirement community; despite his desire to work, he’s past the mandatory retirement age of 70. Luke, still allowed to work at age 62, takes a job at an ice cream parlor and later a restaurant. They’re also told that they’re not to have further contact with each other for at least three years.

Both are in for a shock at how much the world has changed from 4 ABY to the present day, sexual lifestyles (their favorite bar is now a gay club for men), lack of respect by the younger generation, and the advance of technology. Luke’s young restaurant manager treats him poorly and Han’s denied proper food by a nasty orderly, and given even worse treatment by the retirement home manager.

Han reconnects with his old flame Leia, and reminisces about old times. Meanwhile Luke embraces the contemporary scene; listening to modern music, asking out a much younger woman (Daisy Ridley) and dressing in faddish clothes. Though both their relationships go well, neither Luke or Han seem to fit in society anymore.

Tired of trying to adjust, Han and Luke go back to their old ways. First they try to rob a bank with the help of their old gang, but all of them are now either crippled or invalids. Then they hijack an armored truck, only to find it empty. When the media mock them for their blunder and mistake them for younger men in masks,Luke decides to hijack the Gold Coast Flyer again as it makes its final Kessler run. At first Han refuses, but Luke decides to do it anyway with or without his help.


#8

I like Andy Serkis.

I am going to choose to be optimistic about this movie, because with two young boys in my house I am definitely going to have to see it in the theatre.

With any luck they will do some actual writing and make it a story worth enjoying. Worst case I get to eat popcorn and make my kids happy.


#9

Nonsense. Andy Serkis is the one you go to when you need quality mocap CGI bollocks.


#10

I have read the draft and this is as much as I can reveal:

About 10,000 years ago, peaceful aliens from the planet Antarea set up an outpost on the planet Tortuga, on an island later known as Atlantia. When Atlantia is destroyed, twenty aliens must be left behind. Antareans who return to pick them up disguise themselves as humans, rent a house with a swimming pool, and charge the water with “life force” to give the cocooned Antareans energy to survive the trip home. They charter a boat from a local captain named Han who helps them retrieve the cocoons. Han likes Karen, a beautiful woman from the team who chartered his boat and becomes a voyeur when he spies on her while she gets nude in her cabin, only to get shocked when he discovers she is an alien. After the aliens reveal themselves to him and explain what’s going on, he decides to help them.

Luke, Chewie, and Leia, three local retirement home residents, swim in the pool and absorb some of the life force, making them feel younger and stronger. Eventually caught in the act, they are given permission to use the pool by the Antarean leader. Their friend Jar-Jar Binks obstinately refuses to use the healing power of the pool, and at the retirement home carelessly reveals the secret of the pool’s rejuvenating powers. Chewie also carelessly reveals it more by showing his capability in being able to knock out two retirement home managers trying to pull him away in his attempts to beat up Jar-Jar over a personal insult he gives him about how his marriage is in jeopardy due to the consequences. In response to the fully revealed secret all the other elderly residents storm out of the retirement home and barge into the pool. Infuriated, the Antarean leader ejects them, but too many have been in the pool at once and drained its life force.

The leader explains that the cocoons cannot now survive the trip back to Antarea but will be able to survive on Tortuga. With the help of Han, Luke, Chewie, and Leia, the Antareans return the cocoons to the sea. The Antareans offer space aboard their ship to the old people. Jar-Jar chooses to remain on Tortuga, but most of the others accept the invitation to travel to a world where they will never be ill, never age, and never die.


#11

Needs more Steve Guttenberg.


#12

Are you just against modern FX on general principles? If George Lucas had had the same attitude, the big SF movie of 1977 would have been Damnation Alley.


#13

I’m just happy there’s going to be a Star Wars film in theaters when I have a five year-old kid. Some of my earliest memories were of watching Empire and RotJ in the theater as a kid. (Star Wars predated me by just over a year, so I missed that one…)


#14

You know, with Abrams at the helm, fun is about all I’m expecting. If its any good beyond that I’ll be pleasantly surprised.


#15

I don’t know who any of these people are - and that’s probably a good thing.


#16

Yeah, but modern FX in the 70s was good.


#17

Han and Luke were two tough guys.

Shame about Chewy being skinned for Leia’s coat though. But then again, she always was a racist bitch.


#18

Maybe I took Carrie Fisher’s “Wishful Drinking” too seriously, but I’m really surprised she is coming back to the role.


#19

Sounds like you haven’t seen the Oscar-quality mo-cap acting in Planet of the Apes that he did. No, I’m not being facetious.


#20

Yeah, lets hope he is controling an apre like creature and not Jar Jar’s grandad. My fear is that he will play chewy.