I remember realizing this back in high school…everyone would tell girls to smile, and it struck me as being mighty creepy and rude.
I think a good response to “smile” would be “look perplexed” followed by a “wow, you really nailed it, good job” and walking away…maybe just maybe they’d think about it enough to realize that you can’t go around commanding other people’s emotional expressions…doubtful though.
Thanks for staying with me, tachin1.
I understand your point: people expecting reciprocation from unsolicited interaction can be way creepy. As you helpfully point out, this issue greatly exceeds the issue at hand.
The social norm I am working from is quite different. In the (small town) social milieu I was raised in, long ago, to NOT smile when one crossing paths with someone one knew could be interpreted as a snub by that other person. As my social skills were generally sub-par, I got into the habit of smiling at anyone I though I might know, which in a small town can pretty quickly turn into “smile at everyone.”
I don’t expect a response – not back then, not now. I just want to make sure I’m not hurting anyone else’s feelings. Later on, I discovered it’s a really nice habit to have.
But I’ve know for some time that young people, especially women, can very find men who look like me smiling at them more “pressuring” then “friendly.” I get that --a sad number of us middle aged dudes are creepy pigs. So my “treat everyone the same” dictum and my “don’t make these people’s problems worse” intent appear to collide in this case.
Hence my pinging the BoingBoing Commentariat. A few posts aside, it’s been helpful.
Thanks for your help.
I think we’re at risk of conflating a straightforward issue with a complex topic.
A strange man telling a woman to smile is almost always an aggressive move to initiate courtship, often unsolicited, often unwanted, often received as intrusive.
A person smiling at a stranger … depends a lot on the cultural background of the smiler, the smilee, and where they are.
I feel she has chosen an unfortunate title for her art project. After watching the video about it, my takeaway is that it is about “aggressive, unwanted, verbal street harassment” that happens to women on a daily basis.
And let’s not forget that a woman’s primary purpose is to be decorous and decorative. If you’re not smiling, you don’t look good. And you’re only in the street to give men a lovely backdrop as they go about their business.
Fuck that!
Oddly enough I have been asked to smile as a dude by randos before, along the lines of “why so glum, cheer up!”
It’s an annoying, presumptive thing to say to another human being, regardless of gender.
That’s why I only talk metaphorically to men; because if you ask a woman to simile, then you’re just walking though a minefield in quicksand.
Don’t they understand, you are Coding HORROR?
You know it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile!?
Ugh. Yeah, that one too.
“Do you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone? Now why don’t you get out of my face and watch me really fuckin’ start smiling?”
Maybe more women should channel Bill Hicks.
LOL, maybe. When one is punching up, it’s probably a good idea to put as much lead in your gloves as possible. Or venom in your sting… whatever, punch those dickheads!
Whoa, thanks for the helpful explanation bro! Not like I’ve ever seen portraits before in my life or anything.
Hey man, call your parents if they are alive. they miss even you.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: pretty sure Bill Hicks was actually the Second Coming, and no one took any notice.
Pretty much the goal
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Damn it, stop making me smile!
OMG… me too. Sign me up to the Milliefink-thinker newsletter, published quarterly, please. I’m such a fan, I’ll even write a guest column if you’ll allow it!!!
