Tactical guide to male urination


If I ever see one for women, I’ll be sure to post it!

The whole flaw here is that it discusses urination from a stationary position. The optimal way to avoid splashback is to only urinate while walking backwards.

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Or you could use a stadium buddy, although I’ve always wondered why these devices are aimed, so to speak, at men. It seems like women have many more problems with overcrowded public restrooms.

Sitzpinklers unite! I find it far more convenient and cleaner to just sit down.


just sit down. no splash. no mess. less to clean up. just because we, men, can stand up to pee doesn’t mean we have to.


Hmm… “aim at the center” in this one, but “aim at a vertical surface” and “aim at an angle” in the earlier one. Once I master combining those, I’ll definitely be a pro.

My in-laws have fancy cups in their bathrooms hanging on the walls. It’s a great idea, you can pee into the cup and simply pour it into the toilet. Very clean and no mess. You don’t even have to worry about getting germs on your back side from the toilet or your dingle rod touching the inside of the bowl.

Are you 100% certain those cups are meant for that purpose? I find myself suddenly anxious to know where your mother-in-law keeps her dentures at night.


I wonder how well images of flies baked into the porcelain work to prevent splashing. I mean, do men really aim at these things, or do they instead back off a bit, hoping the buggers don’t fly up onto their exposed parts at such a vulnerable moment? Then again, I suppose there may be a difference between splashing and out-of-the-urinal spillage…

Oh, make no mistake: we’ll aim at 'em. Hearken to the wisdom of Brother George:

Targets of opportunity!


Sign at my childhood summer camp: OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN. your aim helps.

You be careful there David, taking photos in children’s toilets :smile:

Reminds me of something that happened to me in the work cubicle. I went to lock my iPhone by pressing home (to return to my home screen before locking - a little OCD of mine) then pressed the sleep button. However i pressed these buttons too quickly and ended up taking a screenshot which comes with the camera shutter sound.

I have no idea what the guy in the next cubicle must have thought.

I keep a plastic hospital-type urinal by the toilet just for this purpose. No splashing and no need to aim. You just need to rinse it out each time and add a little bleach every so often to control bacteria growth.

An acquaintance of mine favoured this method- he would demonstrate his ‘famous walking piss’ at the least provocation. Walking uphill is recommended.

As an aside, someone stated on Radio 4 recently that urinating onto porcelain, rather than into the water, was once regarded as a sign of homosexuality.

If all the men on one side of the planet weed at the same time, would the earth shift out of orbit?

We’re discussing tactics, but we need to unite - we need a strategy.

Really? The 11-year-old in my head would venture to say that checking out other guys’ pee trajectories would be far more likely to be regarded as a sign of homosexuality.

For what it’s worth (a bucket of warm piss or less), what with the variety in toilet and urinal geometries, I never cared whether I was whizzing on porcelain or into the water, or even onto the urinal cake and cigarette butts, for that matter. The Consensus of Standards and Practices Inside the Gents’ can be remarkably consistent and strictly enforced in America, especially among schoolboys. One is obliged to stare straight ahead at the wall in front of your face, not at your own equipment, and most especially not at your neighbor’s. And there’s also some taboo against using a urinal directly next to an occupied one unless there is no other choice. Somewhere online is a urinal usage test that somebody made up showing various combinations of occupied and unoccupied urinals and asking which one you’d choose and why. Once you make your selection, they show the “correct” answer and the reasoning behind it, and if you’re an American dude who retains even a vestige of junior-high homophobia, the answers make perfect sense. Mildly entertaining in a depressing, “this is what American men are like” way.

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