Technology has a solution: P-mate
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It relates to all women who clean around urinals.
Another fundamental law of nature: No matter how much you jiggle or dance, the last drop always lands in your pants.
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Use the toilet stalls. Leave the door wide open. Have a nice relaxing whiz without hesitation. Shout, “fuck y’all” as you leave.
(I suspect it’s a pretty basic, ingrained survival thing. Having sex with a bunch of strangers standing behind you is no picnic either.)
Actually the ‘fly’ is actually a bee - it is a latin joke - APIS is the latin for a bee - aiming at it keeps your spats clean!
This thing. How do we solve this problem?
I want to know how the huge puddle of pee at the foot of most urinals happens. It isn’t tiny splashes that cause that. This has been a topic of discussion among my male coworkers (when I had coworkers) and no one can explain it.
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The little partitions on either side of the urinals at my old office building had these big rusted semi-circles on them (~18" diameter), about splash-level. It took years before it registered what I had been absent-mindedly staring at.
There’s something very important that they forgot to tell you.
Don’t cross the streams.
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More than two shakes means you’re playing with yourself.
It also relates to every man who ever had to clean a row of urinals.
(Row of 20, three times a day for 12 weeks.)
A very instructive experience, in many respects.
“Please flush after use. Keep flushing until the yellow indicator area has vanished.”
As I’m sure you know…
No matter how much you shake and dance,
the last few drops go in your pants.
Urine is very corrosive. I’ve seen many a bathroom radiator that was in the splash zone rusted away before it’s time. Really, this sort of thing costs money and pisses off facility management greatly.
I dunno, I always like the big urinals that go all the way to the floor, maybe because they remind me of the ancient bathrooms in our elementary school.
On the subject of being “pee shy” if I ever have that problem I’m usually complaining about too much caffeine. But I had a real chuckle about the take charge self appointed former commando “born leader” on our team, who hated me but did not seem to be able to pee in my presence. I have no idea why he felt he was entitled to order me around, but I knew I would win any literal “pissing contest.”
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My working theories:
- Leaky plumbing - it’s not necessarily wee
- Cascading shuffle-back. One person drops a little, the next stands further back to avoid stepping in it, and so on, until maximum pee distance is reached, which varies by individual. The further out, the less accurate, and the more annoyed at adopting a silly stance, thus the less balanced the equation. Eventually, there will be a puddle.
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That’s from the guys who figured out how not to let it run down their inner pants leg.
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Spuzzum (n.)
A wee-wee which resembles a lawn sprinkler, caused by a shred of tissue paper covering the exit hole of the penis.
(Adams/Lloyd - The Deeper Meaning Of Liff)
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We only have one urinal and perhaps ~20 guys that use it… If you figure that each guy goes twice a day that is 40 opportunities for deposition – if each guy loses 1 drop on the floor each time that would be 40 drops (~ 2 ml). If you assume that 1 out of ten times “at bat” one has some problem that leads to a larger splash or divergent stream, then that might lead to another 2-4 ml. 4-6 ml spread on a floor would make a pretty good little puddle.
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Ah, science. I knew it would be to blame eventually.
Listen to Paulie Walnuts
