Just so long as you’re not kink shaming me for my love of (literally) twisted candies
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Not kink shaming. But those marketing types are kink naming, for sure. 
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Firecracker Lobster - Like Devon Maid, made in Devon - Firecracker Lobster - Burts Chips
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Double Deckers, Toffee Crisps and Topic Bars.
Can you still get Topics? I haven’t had one in years.
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Very sadly, no.
Topic was a chocolate bar made by Mars, Incorporated in France and sold throughout Europe. It contained hazelnuts, nougat and caramel.
The bar was first introduced in 1962. In the UK, it was advertised with the line “A Hazelnut in Every Bite”.[1]
The chocolate bar was promoted in a series of radio advertisements broadcast in 2002 with the strapline “A joy to eat, but a b***h to make”.[2][3] These adverts featured actors Simon Pegg and Mark Heap who both appeared in the cult British TV comedy Spaced.
The bar was removed from boxes of Celebrations in 2006, along with Twix (although Twix has subsequently been reintroduced).
In 2022 Mars, Incorporated ceased production.
ETA apparently I cannot post the word ‘B1TCH’ even when quoting from a reliable source.
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Nooooooo!
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In praise of Scandinavian chocolate – a louche but crunchy walk
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Topic was one of the most popular choc bars when I was a kid.
The joke of the day was:
What’s got a hazelnut in every bite? Squirrel shit!
blurred for scatological playground humour.
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We got hip to lotsa English choccies and biccies when we visited Jamaica XD Had my first Aero bar* there ferinstance. Cadbury wasn’t yet a hershey company, so all their stuff was fantastic, and much of it unflamiliar. Violet Crumbles are unbelievable!
Tried my 1st Hob Nobs there. Loved 'em so much, I designated one of the pkgs I brought home for giving to the lesson horses at “our” stable! They were naturally as well-rec’d as expected. 
That made giving them away less painful Our first ever chocolate & choc + caramel ‘digestive’ biscuits (cookies), too. None of those for the horses, tho. Nope.
Our first custard cream biscuits (sandwich cookies) experience was also in JA. They were from Trinidad, and superb. The custard was the best, as well it should be! but all the flavors of those Devon brand cream biccies were great.
I was still a small enough person when the Yankistani** Marathon bars were around, I couldn’t manage half of one in a sitting. Wouldn’t feel like going back for more later that day, neither. They sure were wretched when stale. Fighting twin foot-long ropes of hard, tough caramel with dry, crumbling chocolate on (and off!) isn’t nearly as much fun as when they’re respectively soft and coherent, and still have all their flavor.
*We Yankistanis had a not too feeble Aero knock-off. I was prob’ly around 8-10ish yrs old when they 1st appeared, so somewhere around 74-77ish. Can’t recall the last time I saw one, its name, nor who made them. They weren’t Cadbury; pretty sure it was before I began seeing (and V much enjoying!) Caramellow bars.
**Yankistan; Yankistani n.; adj. The United States; (freq.) a (privileged) citizen thereof, having a US origin. Jocular; not always pejorative. Coined by DeusIrae, a Scottish user of the UK BBS and gallery Urban75 during the 90s.
ETA: Footnotes & troubleshoot some frankly lousy writing.
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“If we took the bones out, it wouldn’t be crunchy, would it?!”
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One of our local stores has Lion bars in the specialty/ethnic foods aisle. You can also get a variety of other sweets, powdered custards, jams and marmalades.
Since Brexit though the British Aisle (hah!) has become much barer.
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