The True Story of Trump's Birther Investigator in Hawaii


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/09/21/the-true-story-of-trumps-bir.html
Tom the Dancing Bug IN WHICH Donald Trump's detective in Hawaii investigates Obama's birth and can't believe what he uncovers...


#2

Why waste time on China when there's so much to look into involving the Clinton Foundation? Politicians potentially using a charity to funnel money to benefit themselves...there's a real scandal!


#3

Famous racist Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio sent a real deputy to Hawaii (at taxpayer expense, naturally) to investigate the issue. He just announced he was continuing the investigation, in fact, after having been on this for years. Now that's real commitment to an imaginary issue!


#4

Poor deputy, having to spend so much time in a tropical island paradise instead of harassing brown-skinned people in an arid cultural hellhole. The sacrifices our men and women in uniform have made in the name of law and order!


#5

The deputy himself was only briefly in Hawaii (and I'm not sure what they're doing to "investigate" from Arizona), but still - I salute the service of this law enforcement officer, doing the dangerous and necessary work of drinking piña coladas on the beach in between harassing public employees. Truly an inspiration to racist, corrupt, self-serving public servants everywhere! As Sheriff Joe himself just put it, "I don't care where he was born."


#6

Were Trump's investigators imaginary? I thought I read they were quite real, and paid generously to find nothing at all. Am I confused?


#7

That was existential.


#8

Is that like the Trump Foundation paying Donald's outstanding fines?


#9

That was the word I was looking for, but I couldn't quite get my head around it.


#10

I do not think that word means what you think it means.


#11

Maybe the investigators found this:

Birth Certificate Hula
Lyrics by Kumu Hula Patrick Makuakāne (to the tune of "Aloha Week Hula" by Jack Pitman)

We're a long way from Africa
Honolulu doesn't look like Kenya
So you have to do
the Birth Certificate Hula

It's a Tea Party conspiracy
started by a drunk in a taxi
So you have to do
the Birth Certificate Hula

It's a long form paper you can document
with the state of Hawai'i's certified judgment
Wanna bet, he's not from Tibet
Donald Trump is crazy and he's full of sh-- hey!

Beat that drum, dum dee-dum
Wiggle in the middle, it's a lot of fun
So you have to do
the Birth Certificate Hula

Is it a forgery or sorcery
Did his mother steal him from another nursery
So you have to do
the Birth Certificate Hula

Oh, Obama's a Hawai'i boy
He eats Spam sushi and he likes his poi
Born in Kapi'olani maternity,
he's not the baby of a scary terrorist daddy

It's a long form paper you can document
with the state of Hawai'i's certified judgment
Wanna bet, he's not from Tibet
Donald Trump is crazy and he's full of sh-- hey!

It'll never be enough, you see,
if you're a birther or on Fox TV
So you have to do
the Birth Certificate Hula


#12

If this comic would only answer the next logical issue:

Am I real?


#13

Yes! There is most certainly the imaginary need to assign an imaginary gumshoe! Get on it, buster!


#14

It was answered last month


#15

The real issue I see here is this: Trench coats are actually both stylish and practical (The pretty-badass-kind of stylish which is a good kind) so it's outrageous that they have become part of a cliche.

I demand the trench coats to be left alone and free of such harassment (for the sake of trench coats and their wearers alike)!


#16

No. I think my use of the word was perfectly cromulent.


#17

Not in Hawaii.


#18

I'll just leave this here...


#19

Even BRIETBART HIMSELF didn't think that one erroneous promotional pamphlet, whose author says she made a mistake, is evidence that Obama was born in Kenya.


#20

It's nice that Trump is making all the arguing in the UK over Brexit look sane and polite.