The U.S. 2016 general election word substitutions bank


#1

I recently installed Randall Munroe’s XKCD word substitutions Chrome extension. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner, because now I can wake up to news like this:

Boingers, it’s time to make the news of this bitter year a bit more palatable. More absurd. Funnier. Perhaps even more truthful. To that end, share your favorite word substitutions here.

Go.


#2

Muslim/Islamic: Unicorn

Mexican: Mermaid

Great Again: Say “WTF?!”


#3

campaign → death march
election → popularity contest
senator → overlord
convention → shindiggity
birth certificate → bill of sale


#4

“shindiggity” is an adjectival* form of “shindig”

*or summat


You really want to auto-substitute that into a conversation about post-Obama elections?


#5

shindig → shindiggity
post-Obama → post-hope

(ps— the extension has a blacklist)


#6

(a) new poll(s) → apantomantic divination


#7

thus, “shindiggity” => shindiggitygity =>shindiggitygitygity …


#8


#9

Just a couple quick notes on using the extension:

  • Substitutions are not case-sensitive.

  • Substitutions are verbatim. Which makes intuitive sense. Example:

gecko → stock trader

This means that ‘gecko’ will be substituted only for the exact, isolated phrase ‘stock trader’. This substitution rule will not apply to ‘stock traders’ nor the mere word ‘stock’. This prevents the sort of problem depicted in @OtherMichael’s post above.

  • Substitution rules are sequential, starting with the one on the bottom of the list. This means that any phrase substitution must come before any substitution of a word contained in that phrase. Example:

trader → DJ
biscuit → stock
gecko → stock trader

Input: The stock trader was surprised to see Trader Joe’s listed on the stock index.
Output: The gecko was surprised to see DJ Joe’s listed on the biscuit index.

Have fun!


#10

{ ISIS, ISIL, Islamic State } → Daesh


#11

Daesh -> Daesholes


#12

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