They missed an opportunity to put “cheap” on the label as well.
#Just the right size to hold a tennis ball.
#Perfect for keeping loose screws and nuts in one place from that thing you’re doing right now that doesn’t actually need tape. Yet.
#Never requires recharging or watering.
#Pre-assembled.
#Flat on two sides, round on all the others!
#It rolls! Unless on a flat side, in which case it slides.
#Fun for children of all ages!
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This is my secret favorite thing, seeing people sell stuff that is so basic. I love love love watching the people on QVC trying to riff for 15 minutes on something like a gold chain:
“It’s going to bring out the color of whatever you are wearing!”
“Yes, Sam, you are so right. Like, I’m wearing it with teal right now. You can see it’s just making that teal pop.”
“Charlene, it looks wonderful with the teal!”
“You could wear it with other colors, too.”
“You know what it would love fabulous with? Red!”
“Yes, and Christmas is not too far away. To me, red and gold just screams Christmas.”
“And take a look at that clasp.”
“You can take it ON and OFF with this clasp. It’s not a cheap clasp that’s going to break, either. It’s sturdy.”
“Don’t you hate that when you have a beautiful necklace and the clasp breaks?” (checks time discreetly) “We have just ten more minutes in this special event. This price was just dropped today down to it’s lowest price ever. You should jump on this right now.”
(Inside their heads they are thinking, “10 more minutes we have to talk about this damn chain. Just shoot me now.”)
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This is where I lost it. 
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QVC is very avant-garde in its lineup. They have totally eschewed the standard dramas, sitcoms and news-magazine for the alien other.
Oh, there are shows.
But they are weird, non-Neilsenian shows, and the geometry of their programming is abnormal, and loathsomely redolent of spheres and dimensions and channels apart from ours.
You can look around and watch this strange curved network, but when you try to move towards something all hell will break loose. Suddenly, it’s 10:30 pm and that product you were trying to get to is getting cheaper and cheaper the harder you try to buy it. Perhaps, if you were a mathematical genius you could figure out within what non-Nielsenian scheduling you watched. Even so, we’re programmed to process things in the form of our simple-to-understand point-to-point Euclidian world of ours; our brains would have to be retrained to understand anything different.
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Did the US Apprentice ever do an episode with QVC?
Holy crap, do you think that QVC is really just performance art disguised as a shopping channel?
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