This snake can't snake


#1

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#2

Okay. So I know what the theme of tonight’s nightmares will be.


#3

Jesus Christ. What the fuck.


#4

Another gif for Animals Sucking at Jumping

Here’s a cutie chaser to help us unsee that other one.


#5

The Dunning-Kruger is strong with this one,


#6

How does that occur and you DON’T shit your pants?


#7

Depends.


#8

Australia, surely?


#9

Each year, millions of snakes succumb to starvation because they can’t afford proper eye care. The World Cobra and Krait Spectacle Foundation provides tens of thousands of venomous snakes with glasses and contact lenses, enabling them to live normal, healthy, sneak-attacky lives. Won’t you help, before even one more snake has to suffer embarrassment and premature death?


#10

Thailand. We’re not the only place with snakes, we’ve just got all the best ones.


#11

He checked his shorts.


#12

To me, it looks like it’s being pulled on a string.


#13

I’ve owned and caught snakes for much of my life and never seen anything like that. It’s like it was rabid! Usually snakes try and get the hell away from you if you’re too big to eat. But maybe Thai snakes got a different game.


#14

Is that a cobra? I’ve heard they have a mating season and they get crazy.

My buddy called me about a “huge rattlesnake” in his garage, so I went over with various implements including an air rifle and (if things really got bad), a S&W revolver loaded with .22 shorts. I was hoping for a big rattler because I hear they are pretty tasty, but I was disappointed to find a 4 ft copperhead, which is only a mildly poisonous viper. I cornered it, lifted it with a pitchfork, kicked a plastic bin into the corner and dropped him in. I released him in a swampy drainage easement full of poison ivy.


#15

Cutie chaser… except we all know there’s another snake under that bed


#16

Please tell me that guy’s all right so I don’t feel so bad for laughing at the way he was jumping around.

Also it’s time to call bullshit on the whole “they’re more afraid of you than you are of them” claim.


#17

Sometimes, you piss 'em instead.


#18

Naw, the tail is showing a natural serpentine motion. Snakes can strike or almost jump pretty far. No vertical leap, but they can really extend. Also this seems to be a cobra, which has a very different motion than a rattlesnake.


#19

That’s pretty aggressive. The only thing we have America that will go after you like that is a Water Moccasin, most snakes would just ignore you that far away.


#20

But if you’re between them and their refuge (or only route of escape), they can get very upset. Here in NE England, I’ve had an adder stand its ground, hissing and repeatedly striking at me, because I walked between it and its hibernaculum. It’s kind of cute in an 18" snake with venom not much worse than a bee sting.