Two-year-old solves the classic trolley problem by killing everyone


Originally published at:


I believe that children are our future


I believe that automated trains better hurry up and get here…


I’ve really bonded with that child.


The authorities have noticed, expect a summons in the mail.


I believe that Donald Trump is our present.


Well done Sir or Madam.


Kind of giving away the punchline there in the headline…


At least it wasn’t a click bait headline. “When presented with the trolley problem, this 2-year-old’s response will ASTOUND YOU!”


You know, in way, that is the FAIR solution. No one is special, you are all equally fucked.

Moral of the story, stay the fuck away from trolley tracks, especially those being controlled by 2 year old.s



* Kill Them All And Let God Sort Them Out


13:44:22.722  Anomaly detected: track compromised
13:44:22.724  Determine track states. Wait...
13:44:22.727    Return. Track B: OBSTRUCTED: human child male
13:44:22.728    Return. Track A: OBSTRUCTED: human adult male, human child male, human adult male, human adult female, human adult male
13:44:22.729  All track states returned. Gosub Masicampo Protocol...
13:44:22.732  Kill all. Let God sort. //TODO: implement better trolley-problem solver

ETA: Dang, beaten to the punch by both @drsdl and @digitalArtform.


I’m on the beaten team


Nothing says “childhood” like the Existentialism. I bet his days are narrated by Werner Herzog.*


  • “He stands at the top of the hill, but does he roll down? No. For now he is the master of this field; those around him are merely toys in his game. Still, his joy is tempered with the knowledge that too soon another, stronger and hungrier than he, will rise to push him off, becoming the new tyrant of this hill.”


And hopefully, soon-to-be our shameful past.


This is just evidence that our love of disasters and wreckage and explosions is genetic.

Unless maybe mom and dad let junior in the room when watching the latest blockbusters, that could taint the result.


What the trolley kid looks like now will STUN you.


The fact that the majority fucking party of U.S. Congress is willing to collectively stump for this scrotum is a strong indication that Trump’s rise is a symptom of a present that needs to be addressed right the hell now, next year, the year after that, and pretty much indefinitely until these spineless psychophants [sic] see their political careers go down in flames, melting the earth on which they stand, thus plummeting themselves into the inescapable hell of the planet’s mantle, never to be heard from again.

My blood sugar may be a tad low right now


Well, that’s a very cathartic response.