Emphasis mine, of course. But I’ve never had a partner raise a hand toward me, much less strike me. Nor I them, of course. (Shouldn’t need to be said, but in this thread, I am horrified to realize that I feel it does.)
My point being only, and still, that I genuinely take issue with saying “That’s what a woman does”. If someone feels the need to resort to violence in any way with their partner, doesn’t that suggest that it’s an abusive relationship? If so, I don’t think it’s at all healthy to normalize the fucked up things that people are forced to do in abusive relationships.
And as long as we’re lighting people up for how we read their words, I did not at all enjoy the insinuation that because no woman has ever slapped me, I must be intimidating them somehow. I’m sure that’s not what you meant to imply, so I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. The exact wording of the post has now changed, but I assure you, the feeling of being accused of that sort of thing for the first time in my life put me in a very dark mood.
Well, no. Pointing out the systemic differences between how domestic violence is treated by society against women and men isn’t about you, accusation or otherwise.
Look, I agree that “That’s what a woman does when she’s overwhelmed by what someone is doing or saying to her, to get them to stop.” was problematic. That’s why I declined to like that comment, even though I know for a fact that @anon67050589 did not intend it as normalizing violence. But the way you initially chose to reply didn’t convey that point, even to me which is why I pointed out that it was a non-sequitur.
When other women in this thread pointed out to you, you became defensive instead of taking any responsibility for wording your reply in a way I and everyone else took a way you didn’t intend it.
I am genuinely sorry you feel aggravated, but please think how the women members of the forum you’ve been defensive towards feel about what very much read (and I get it wasn’t your intent for it to) as handwaving away those very same structural inequalities that may have contributed to the death of the very young woman this was all about before it got derailed and absolutely do contribute to the abuse and death of so many women over and over again.
You’re lucky then. Many, MANY people are not so lucky… this young lady included.
Why should it need to be said that the context of that statement had to do with abusive relationships, and defending oneself.
MY point is that the CONTEXT matters, of the individual situation, of society, etc. It’s all well and good to have ideals. Nothing wrong with that, nor with living out YOUR ideals or doing your best to do so. But to take YOUR ideals, and project them onto other situations and find people defending themselves at fault for doing so…
And YES, women (or anyone in an abusive situation) SHOULD be given a hell of a lot of slack for protecting themselves. I’m unsure why that is controversial in the slightest.
I did not say that or insinuate that, at all. I’m not sure how you got me talking about situations that others face as someone calling YOU out. I have no assumptions about YOU or YOUR actions. I have assumed good faith on your part. All I know is what you’ve told me. I’m not even talking about YOU. I’m talking about women who regularly face abuse being expected to always to the exact moral thing in each case. I’m saying that we need to understand the context of a situation rather than pass a blanket judgement of types of violence.
Exactly! That’s the point I got from your original comment. Not that sometimes women slap their partners when they are in the course of a normal argument or something…
I’m not sure where you got that from; it wasn’t said nor even implied in any of the comments I’ve read here.
It should go without saying that no one should be hitting anyone else, ever; regardless to gender.
The unfortunate reality is that’s not the world we live in; instead, we inhabit one where violence is not only constantly perpetuated and facilitated, but often celebrated.
And the ones most capable of violence, the ones most likely to resort to violence? Sadly, that’s usually the purview of men.
That you personally happen to be an exception isn’t really relevant, because it doesn’t affect the lived reality of most women in the world.
American mass media, working hard to ignore the patriarchy and blame literally anything else for the death of this and many other women… This is literally just a more “sophisticated” version of “rock music and video games did it.” No, fuckers. Put two and two together. A society that doesn’t value women except as broodmares will lead to men thinking it’s okay to kill them with impunity. Duh.
There areis only 3 possibilities1 possibility. 1. She got pissed off and walked out on him. 2. He got pissed off and walked out on her.
3. He got pissed off and killed her.
OK, since other commenters brought it up: 4. It’s all a hoax.
4 is extremely unlikely, considering the police footage of the traffic stop. They were not looking like people prepared to work together to set up an elaborate hoax.EDT: They identified her body so not a hoax
3 seems the most likely, considering there is now a body (assuming it turns out to her)Its her
1 & 2 are still within the realm of possibilities,depending on the cause of death (if its exposure, or dehydration, etc) And I suppose time of death. (if time-of-death was after he returned home, then it’s unlikely to be him, unless she was tied to a tree or otherwise incapacitated.EDT: Police said homicide, it is, of course, still remotely [theoretically] possible that they went their separate ways, and then someone else killed her, but pretty fucking unlikely, especially since Douchenozzel went on the lam the moment he heard they found a body
Ms. Petito left with Mr. Laundrie in July in a white Ford van outfitted for a cross-country adventure. On Sept. 1, Mr. Laundrie returned to the home in North Port, Fla., where he lived with his parents and Ms. Petito, in the white van that the couple had used for the trip and that had been registered to Ms. Petito.
If they had mutually agreed to split up, why did he take her car?
Wow, I’d never seen that before! That was awesome, and now I want to watch that movie again, because the first time, I apparently wasn’t paying attention!
Agreed. And why did he get to be the purveyor of the keys? I watched some of the body cam footage of the traffic stop and two things immediately came up as red flags:
In describing the fight, it’s clear from both of them that she was getting stressed about the van being dirty and disorganized. So his “solution” to try to deescalate was to lock the van and say they both needed to take a walk and get some space. But, why not let her hang out in the van, tidying or whatever, and you go for a walk? Seems very controlling.
They’re 5 months into their trip, yet when he describes what she was working on that morning he says, “she’s making a little website or something.” Using the word “little” in that derogatory way always raises my hackles. I don’t really get how the whole influencer thing works, but she was clearly trying to start a business. (If that’s the right word).
