Was Jesus an extraterrestrial?


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/11/22/was-jesus-an-extraterrestrial.html


#2

#3

Oh No Ross and Carrie investigated this one! As always, it’s a treat.


#4

:heavy_check_mark:︎ Came to Earth in peace
:heavy_check_mark:︎ Had miraculous healing touch
:heavy_check_mark:︎ Pursued by law enforcement
:heavy_check_mark:︎ Died
:heavy_check_mark:︎ Brought back to life
:heavy_check_mark:︎ Rose to the heavens

Yep, sounds like E.T. to me.


#5

I mean - it’s not that crazy sounding.

Alien being appears to Mary (Luke 1:26), tell her to “Don’t be scared, but a bright being (who takes the form of a floating flame or beam of light) is going to visit you and impregnate you”. Forced impregnation is a common theme in abduction accounts. The child is born, with more space beings visiting other humans to have them follow a glowing UFO in the sky to the place of the birth. As the child reaches maturity, it shows signs of ESP, telekinesis, and regenerative powers. As an adult, he displays the powers of levitation, teleportation, and many other super-human abilities. He seemingly possesses a non-human anatomy, as he is pretty thoroughly killed and yet comes back to life days later.

Only to ascend from a mountaintop, in a glowing craft that descends and spits out 2 other superhuman beings from Judaic history, who should have died centuries ago - but have seemingly not aged. Possibly the same mountaintop that the “Watchers”, special alien-seeming beings that appear in the extant Book of Enoch, descend to and operate as they disseminate knowledge to early humans.

Lots of weird details that fit this narrative, but that would take too long to type out this morning. All this would be some hilariously awesome sci-fi.


#6

Wasn’t that Ross and Chandler?


#7

#8

George King received an extraterrestrial mental telegram

Oh, I get those everyday, no biggie.


#9

I heard if you looked at Jesus back when he was alive that he looked like a grilled cheese.


#10

No.

tl;dr: Jesus was entirely understandable within the context of his society and the prophetic tradition and as far as can be identified his teachings were in accordance with what might be called the left wing of the Jewish tradition. One of his novelties was introducing the idea (from other religions) that the God of Israel was a father figure, much less wrathful and more desiring that his children do well. All the rest is the usual accretion of supernatural stories around ancient prophetic figures (like Elijah and the prophets of Ba’al) plus the unification of Christianity and the Roman State religion in the 4th century CE.


#11

Buzzkill.


#12

What was that rule about headlines with question marks again?


#13

That would be Jeremiah, who was definitely no fun at parties. Jesus, on the other hand…

I don’t know - is that a headline?


#14

If Jesus really is an alien he better have his documents or his ass is outta here before he can even start whippin’ up a miracle wall… but yeah it all sounds plausible to me.


#15


#16

Technically, over half of the global population believe that Jesus was an extraterrestrial.


#17

The Former is more likely responsible for all the “gunk” than the latter. It probably started earlier than 4th century with the Letters of Paul to the Romans (see below). It was the initial start of proselytizing because it allowed the conversion of gentiles … and many of those gentiles had some crazy religious beliefs before joining christendom.

One of the oldest (very likely THE oldest) examples of Paul’s letters (which I handled personally a few years ago, one of the perks of my former line of work):


#18

“I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terrestrial. I loved that little guy.”


#19

And some even crazier ones afterwards, see the last book of the New Testament…


#20

Yeah thats what I meant. There was a lot of syncretism going on between early christianity and so called pagan beliefs up until the 9th century.