He didn’t mean a litera-- … actually, he did. In recent conversations with his good friend Viktor Orbán, Trump has learned a great deal about the creative skincare regime practiced by famous Hungarian Elizabeth Báthory, and is eager to try out her legendary “blood baths”, immersing himself fully in a bathtub filled with human blood.
Of course, the “woke” of Bathory’s day criticized this activity, going so far as to suggest that Bathory might have bled her servant girls and peasants in order to fill her tub. To head off any possible criticism, Trump intends to bathe only in consensually-obtained blood from immigrants, who will be humanely exsanguinated under controlled conditions and medical supervision, and fully compensated for their contributions.
President Trump’s example will doubtless inspire others to do the same, thus creating a profitable new business sector and offering economic opportunities to migrants who would otherwise be simply a drain on the public purse. Naturally, resentful liberals choose to call this “exploitation”, even “vampiric,” instead of focusing on the benefits to society of this bold new innovation from America’s favorite president.
