Why your local record store employee became an asshole

What “butthurt” is meant to mean depends, of course, upon the intentions of the speaker. But I have definitely heard it used often in a rapey context. For example: “Sure, he got royally fucked, so now he’s butthurt.” and other similar uses which really are meant to convey, with whatever level of seriousness, a degree of sexual violence, a scenario of being anally dominated. So I think it tends to be distasteful in use, but everything depends upon context. IF you prefer to not perpetuate a paradigm of sex as power struggle, you might want to consider saying something else.

Some terms cause offense for what they mean literally - such as “fggt” - a thing that ones lights on fire. I had a friend who was murdered by being burned alive, and it is distressing for me to think about even now. OTOH consider “nggr” - which literally means “black” - but still caries an extremely strong pejorative flavor because of its usage.

I don’t agree with getting overly prescriptive about what to say, and what not to say, in terms of codifying blanket PC regulations for self-censorship. But it would be ignorant and awkward to choose to remain unaware of the ways people can and will interpret way you say. That’s just lazy.


My point is that claiming that it’s about spanking or about rape is engaging in folk etymology unless there’s some evidence that the phrase originated there or is associated with rape. I don’t visit gaming sites, so I can’t really comment about the usage there, but rape is far from the only explanation and it certainly isn’t the only image that you could associate with the idiom. Aside from the ones that have been mentioned, it could refer to the way a baby or adult acts when they have a pain in the ass (another idiom that could superficially be attributed to anal rape) - kind of whiny and more likely to get upset about little things. Until this thread, I’d never heard of the meaning “someone who just got raped and didn’t like it”. If everyone else got the memo and I didn’t, I don’t mind not using it.

The Gawker article doesn’t really say anything against what I said - ‘butthurt’ just means that I think you are taking something more personally than you should. If you are butthurt because your people just got bombed, it says something about me that I think that was trivial. If you are butthurt because you don’t like having a woman promoted over you, that’s probably fair criticism. It’s similar to ‘concern trolling’ - it can be used to stifle all interesting discussion or could be a valid objection to a really stupid action. The borders are kind of fuzzy and both labels can be used to criticise someone for objecting to a comment on an issue that matters to them.


ARe you sure it was Blue?


But that’s not how language works. There are plenty of words whose commonly-understood meaning (i.e., what the word is “about”) differs from the actual etymology of the word.

Did you actually read it? Because here’s what it says:

There is, however, a pretty obvious cause of butthurt that everyone envisions when they try to think of its point of origin. It’s called getting fucked in the ass.

Look, obviously many people don’t intend that interpretation when they use the word. Doubtless, a lot of people recognize it simply as an effective term in the discourse that can be used to put someone down. Like kids with gay uncles or aunts who would never dream of wounding their family but nevertheless say, “Ugh, that is so gay,” on the playground, butthurt is likely just a weapon in the arsenal of many people who’ve never stopped to think what it means.

That’s unfortunate, but it’s not an excuse. The imagery of forced humiliating sodomy (or at the most optimistic, a thorough ass-kicking) immediately conjures up pretty clear pictures of the victims, and those people are bitches. Bitches like women, who aren’t as strong as men, who are subordinate to them because God or biology made them weak, who are meant to have things shoved in them, in areas around the butt. Bitches like male weaklings in prison populations, who can’t fend off attackers with their fists and have to preserve their safety by being regularly sodomized at another’s behest, who only get what they deserve as criminal subhumans anyway.

Here’s the thing – I trust George Takei over both you and Gawker.

Do you trust GT? You don’t have to and may not.

Image found in @jsroberts earlier comment.

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There are many causes of butthurt. Being spanked, being anally raped, having consensual anal sex, nappy rash, falling down. Anal rape is the image that Mobutu Sese Seko gets when he thinks of the word. He is projecting when he talks about what ‘everyone’ envisions. That’s not what I envisioned, and he probably wouldn’t be writing the article to explain the word if he actually thought that everyone else did.

It’s almost like this explains the very next sentence he wrote, but you decided not to quote.

But hey, it’s not like we don’t have lots of evidence showing that people who actually use the word tend to associate it with rape, and it’s not like even those definition that don’t explicitly include rape tend to describe it as an overly emotional response mixed with shame (totally consistent with things like nappy rash and falling down). But hey, why not tell me how acceptable the N-word is because of its innocuous etymology and different subjective meanings.

Not in this thread.

Three people in this thread have said they associate it with rape. One person has said they thought it was like running into a glass door and falling on your ass. One person has said the etymology seems to be from spanking, based on the highly-reliable Know Your Meme. I think that about covers those who have voiced an opinion about what the y think the word means.

So good point.

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That leaves the question of whether (1) the stop button was broken, the disc wouldn’t eject, the volume knob didn’t work, the power button was busted, they’re hands/feet were immobilized, and/or they couldn’t unplug the CD player; or (2) they were just assholes.

The term “I am sensing” means you are running by instinct, elaborating by saying “you are projecting” is adding a slur which your senses - as human capacity to operate by instinct is not that dull - is simply a memorized attack line to try and get out real hostility… which you have seen in the past works and instinctively you understand should work. Running by memorized lines, however, basically script… and instinct… doesn’t get you very far in life.

No, you are largely mistaking a passion for forensic linguistic psychology with varied emotions you are used to. Though, there is some reason to your sense of hostility, of course, as you realize someone must have some level of hostility to check off people for using certain words as “trash”.

But, unfortunately, that “trolley bait” does not get you very far, because someone who uses the term “butthurt” is in the unfortunate position of revealing their inner motives and instincts really quite clearly. This is common when people resort to sexual oriented, vulgar language. That kind of language almost invariably comes from their heart, and from the private areas of their heart. This is the real reason why it is not wise to use such language.

Believe me, it is very transparent that if you are going so far as to use the term “butthurt” it says a lot about the person using it, and nothing about the person you are using it against. It most surely does show repressed straight yet homosexual sexual aggression, and worse .

And, as I did in two posts already here, I pointed out some other things it reveals about the person… not using “sensing”, instinct, but using basic reasoning. For instance, that is not a term you can use in professional language, so the person using it likely does not have a job. It is also not a term that women like, so any other bullet point (besides not having a professional job or that it is a homosexual, yet straight term) is tacked on here.

Just giving you guys a helpful clue to maybe bettering your lives.

Running as a human being but abandoning your capacity to utilize reasoning over your natural instincts, relying on memorized scripts instead of independent thought, and being sexually repressed is no way to live a life.

Buuuhleeve me, if you are operating as cattle does, there probably is higher life forms out there which feed on you.

Believe me boys, dream on. Your sexual aggression isn’t running hot because someone is flirting with you, but because you aren’t getting any. You can’t talk the way I do, because I can get away with it and don’t have to use herd lingo to get along. People just drool and their brains shut off.

Effective way of bringing the cattle home for a meal, but nothing else.

tl;dr: “people who use the word ‘butthurt’ are likely to rape people, trust me, I’m an expert.”

You pointed out some things that you think about the person. Nothing has been revealed.

Do you now, or have you ever, worked in a local record store?



“Buuuhleeve” is not a term you can use in professional language, so by using it you are likely showing us that you don’t have a job?

Which is utterly immaterial. What does having, or not, a job have to do with anything - beyond casting classist aspersion (like the use of the word “trash” - which is often used in both classist and racial contexts - bandied about earlier).

I feel better already! Thanks!

Are you talking to any of the women in here, or are you just assuming that we’re all guys?

Should we add sexism to the problematics of classism (and possibly coded racism)?

Oh, I see. You are a woman speaking for all women, as you all think the same and/or you’ve gotten permission? Or if you’re male, you are Vivek Wadhwa.

Oh, I thought this was all about not using insulting language? Now you are comparing me to a overfed domesticated animal destined for slaughter?

That’s… not very nice.


OTOH, I get the feeling you’re projecting.

I could point to my three kids as evidence of at least 3 occasions where that is demonstrably false, but… I more think you’re projecting. AGAIN.

BTW “getting any” is not very professional language. Do you have a job?


Isn’t the expression originally meant to describe the state after receiving ass-kicking?

Given that “butt” means primarily the entire area of glutea maxima, not strictly limited to anus, it would make more sense than the alternative explanations.

I always understood it that way, at least. Though I am not the least surprised that some people manufactured more offensive explanations and then got upset with their own creation. To prevent this we’d have to use sterile language without any sort of even oblique “improper” references (with “improper” being defined fluidly enough so there is always something “wrong” to address).

Language police… paladins of the discourse, always complicating things so they could boss others around.


The reason why anyone has to explain it is because it is a vulgar word, a cuss word, and these sorts of words typically come from the “private areas” of a person’s heart. They are very often unconscious, but tend to be revealing.

By “private areas” of a person’s heart… I literally mean parts of their heart which run on the literal genital private areas. Sexual aggression, or passion, is built up in people - male and female alike - and typically is very much an unconscious process.

They store it up and it builds up. Typically, this happens over time. In a healthy relationship, this happens from mutual flirting. Obviously, in a non-healthy relationship, this is simply from what people might call “lust”.

Very often, when they use the term, or similar terms… they are oblivious to what this says about them. There is usually no visualization, and if there is, if they are conscious about it, they are likely to lie about it. It is, after all, a very sensitive area for them. It says a lot to realize you just revealed you are considering yourself straight yet… have expressed hidden homosexual sexual aggression. (Consensual anal sex does not typically involve hurting anyone.)

While it does place them on top, that challenges their masculinity and so their sense of their role in society. Therefore, there can be shame feelings attached.

Usually people who have some understanding of these things do not bother to try and correct such people. They have, themselves, the option to pick up the word and start using it their own selves, but they then discover at even the consideration… it is not a word they feel comfortable using, and for obvious good reason.

It is good to confront, however, otherwise the herd gets very much out of control. It becomes a virtue, instead of a vice. And naturally leads to many other forms of related vices. Which is probably why we see rise of such things as online “men’s rights movement” and the associated.

“Political correctness” aside, they open themselves up to mocking which tends to work powerfully against them. Though, I do think these sorts of “men’s movements” are difficult to really break because they are ultimately bonded by sexually repressed aggression.

The thing is, it sort of depends on the context, because I can imagine (and yet, don’t actually remember) the clerks at Sound Exchange doing something like that. I’d expect a side dish of snark from them, whereas the people at Waterloo had always been straight-up helpful (even when they indulged a guy asking if he could hear this CD, as though he couldn’t hear it on the radio once or twice an hour).

Well, according to others posting here, your personal understanding of what the term means is something that you have manufactured, as it supposedly originated as a reference to spanking. But I understand how meanings that you manufacture are OK, whereas other meanings manufactured by others are not… regardless of how prevalent those meanings are.

Again, this is a place where the proprietors tend to be concerned about language.

Hey, if you want to be intentionally offensive, that’s your prerogative. And it’s mine to object and call you out on it. The freedom to be offensive is not the same as the freedom to be offensive without objection. If you want others to have thicker skins, make sure your skin is thick enough to withstand blowback.

And where certain patrons are all eager to become the holier-than-the-pope hall monitors.

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“I think she doth protest too much”.

Look, do you really want to get into an in-depth conversation about what saying “butthurt” reveals about you to people? It is not a very defensible place to be standing in. There is the illusion of masculine control in it, which is why a lot of guys pick up the term. But, ultimately, it says to people, in general, that you are involved in a lot of “bromances” and have deep sexual conflicts.Nobody is typically going to bother and explain that. They often do not even consciously register it. They just chalk the person off. But they instinctively come to many of the same conclusions.

People can sit around apologizing and debating it, but that won’t change the reality of the situation. I surely applaud your right to use the word.

You can get agreements here from people, but this, too, won’t change the situation. And it doesn’t mean they won’t go away and then realize… “oh you know what”… and understand.

And, believe me, they will.