Woman asks Slate's Dear Prudence if she should divorce husband who shoved her face into wedding cake

Originally published at: Woman asks Slate's Dear Prudence if she should divorce husband who shoved her face into wedding cake | Boing Boing


I had a similar condition for our wedding except it was just “no chicken dance.”


Dean Norris Reaction GIF by CBS



How do a set of newlyweds not have a conversation about the trama this car accident caused and how important it was not to do this? How little do you have to care about your partner to not consider this “a big deal”?

I can’t even.


Right?! That’s probably something he’s known about for most of their relationship and he just flat out decided to ignore it for the lulz?

Her whole family sounds pretty awful, too, if they keep trying to convince her it’s not a big deal. Anybody who claims to love someone like that would not blatantly ignore the ONE THING she asked him not to do on their wedding. What an asshole.


Sounds like she did, and he did not pay that any attention.


The only 2nd chance I’d give this clown is to recharge my taser.

And as to her family, they can have him. Tell them any mention puts them on the “never to be invited” list. If they can’t respect her boundaries, she should create a family that does.


My only hard-and-fast rule was that he would not rub cake in my face at the reception.

…is this a wedding custom in the US or something? Why would anyone rub cake in anyone’s face at a wedding? (Or anywhere really, aside of a clown act or something.)




I had both the no cake-face and no chicken dance conditions. The DJ played the chicken dance anyways. They received only their “half up front” cost and were not paid the balance. The cake-face ban was honored though!


For a certain subset of American weddings with a loose sense of decorum. Kind of like “the bride groom removing the bride’s garter with his teeth.”


We paid for our daughter’s wedding, I didn’t have to insist on the chicken dance, she already had it planned along with the hokey pokey of course.

I’ve been to a couple weddings where the DJ had a list of songs that were not to be played for reasons.


Thanks for explaining! And here I thought the removing-the-garter thing was just a comedy/porn thing, too… You learn something every day.

(Not to judge, btw. Over here a popular custom is having the bride dance with as many men present as possible, with them tucking money in her dress. Another one is one where the groom & male friends “kidnap” the bride who has to hide from them under the tables/etc. This is usually played when everyone is really drunk.)


At our wedding, 38 years ago, we cut the cake together and then fed each other a bite with forks. At our daughter’s wedding, 6 years ago, they had cupcakes with a small cake to cut together and feed each other a bite.

I can’t remember any smashing of the cake into anyone’s face in all of the weddings I’ve been to. Lots of first bite sharing but no smashing. I wonder how much the need for social media viral videos pressures people into stupid stuff.

What this guy did was way wrong.


y’all are much more … forgiving… than me.

obviously, i can’t know his mental state – but when somebody does something you expressly asked them not to. i generally assume malice rather than something like forgetfulness.

i know plenty of people who have tromped established boundaries ( of mine or of other people ) to “prove a point”. i would assume he wanted to boss of the marriage, and this was his way of trying to get there.

when someone shows you who they are… run.


Oh, don’t get me wrong - It’s clearly rooted in malice. Not listening to women when they speak is a major problem rooted in hatred of women.

So, no I’m not being forgiving, at all. Men not listening to women is a major problem. I know…


too true. i didn’t think about that aspect of it, and that makes perfect sense.


I never heard of it before about (guessing) 25 years ago. And that was long after my cohort was getting married.

I think it’s one of those ‘traditions’ that was made up recently and somehow became integrated into the culture as if it had always been there.


I think it’s a recent outgrowth of the somewhat older tradition of the bride and groom cutting each other a slice of the cake and/or feeding each other a bite.

I imagine some couple somewhere accidentally/purposefully goofed up the cake cutting and someone else caught it on camera and popularized it on America’s Funniest Home Videos or something.


I always hated that tradition of smashing cake. I also hate receptions where guests start clinking their glasses repeatedly during dinner until the newlyweds kiss.

Good for her for getting out of the situation without delay. If he’s that much of a jerk on the wedding day in front of guests, I hate to imagine what the marriage would have been like at home.