Badass Space Dragon - Final Results

games
1

Charybdis is Awake.

**Kyliebot:** Let me load it! You're hogging the data stream!
**Brookloid:** The Warship Scylla has been destroyed! The Coalition is out of Charybdis!
**Kyliebot:** Does this mean the Wanderer is coming back?! I miss El-Esk!!
**Slauge**: Ssssoo we won? We kicked their assessss?
**Nudles:** Hellsss yeah!
**Boss Boone:** You little slime hogss get back to work! These sand fissh aren't going to gut themselvess!
**Newt:** So you won't be returning to the Coalition systems? You're staying in Charybdis?
**Brad:** Yes. I'm taking a break from holo-films and I've joined the citizenship committee, we're working to process applications and carry out a census now that Charybdis has won its independence.
**Newt:** Charybdis is still considered a territory of the Coalition.
**Brad:** Actually, according to interstellar law, we are now an officially recognized independent territory. You'll recall that after the battle with the warship Scylla, the Coalition formally declared war on Charybdis. This is an act which can only be taken against a recognized independent entity. By declaring war, they've severed ties and recognized out sovereignty.
**Newt:** ...
**Brad:** I went to intergalactic law school before I got into the theater.
**Pete:** This article makes it sound like we're a lot more organized than we are.
**Ella:** I'm very organized.
**Pete:** You know what I mean, this whole resistance was just a few cannons strapped to a rock... A couple of freighters with a death wish.
**Ella:** Freedom and death are intertwined.
**Pete:** ...I miss him Ella. Warts and all, he should have been here to fight the Coalition, he'd know exactly what to do next. ...I'm just a mechanic.
**Ella:** This is a good time for the builders Peter, it's easy to tear things down. It's much more difficult to create something.
2
***Captain Roger Wilco - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Aluminum Mallard 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 14

**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by The Jewel of the Desert
***Captain Beefheart - Space Lizard (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Bongo Fury 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 7

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Killed by Don Mondo
***Captain Q'a'strastro - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Burnt Asbestos 1/207 42 43 32 22 34 $0 Miner's Hardhat 28

The Burnt Asbestos barrels into action, distracting a barrage of enemy fighters from the Asteroid of Fucking Doom and the resistance stealth forces. The fighters are faster than you, they're more maneuverable.. but you're making progress, you're winning.

**BA-ZOT!** A blast from the massive Matter Disruptor Ray. The Asbestos writhes as the cargo deck is liquified and a foamy mush of debris tumbles away like river foam.

The emergency systems kick in to isolate the oxygen on the bridge but you can't move. Your heart is filled with fear. The shadow of the Scylla begins to swallow you.. you're a speck.. a mote.

With what feel like leaded hands, you lean into the console and launch all your remaining artillery at the Scylla and propel yourself back.. drifting.. slowly.. away from the skirmish.

You've done your part and you'll live to tell the tale. Barely.

**-$9,700, +97 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$41,500, +83 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$10** | Bar tab
**-$224** | Pizza!
**-$40** | Flowers
**+1 EN** | Resistance Data
**-124 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**-82 HP** | Matter Disruptor Ray
**-15% ALL STATS** | FEAR!
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
**+1 GRIT** | Overcoming FEAR
***Captain Thrummel Carfax - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Cepheus Maiden 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Electro-Fedora 11

**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by Ranger Slaal
***Commander Jameson - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Cobra II 40/154 47 39 74 101 63 $174 Greasy Ball Cap 46

Commander Jameson's Cobra II rolls into battle on a stealth mission against the Galaxxon Sun Eater, a stout commercial vessel used for harvesting the power of stars. The Cobra II isn't noticed by a single enemy fighter or turret as it whispers into position and plants its ordinance.

As the Sun Eater begins a glorious chain reaction and crippling decompression, the Cobra II pops back onto the enemy heat sensors amid a swarm of drones. Jameson feels a cold sweat break out and a sinking in his gut – FEAR!

He hastily tries to enter the access codes that Pedge provided. Access denied. Gah! He rattles off the code again as the Cobra II absorbs damage. Access Granted! The drones fall into formation.

Jameson takes a deep breath and begins taking out large swaths of the Scylla fleet, comfortably armored amid a hive of drones.

**-$2100, +21 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$9,000, +10 LK** | Moonshine
**-$3,000, +3 LK** | Clover Soup
**-$60,000, +60 ST** | 3 x Heat Muffler
**-$36,000, +40 EN** | 2 x Cram Session
**+2 GRIT** | Flawless Mission (Demolition)
**-110 HP** | Attacked by 37 Drones
**-15% ALL STATS** | FEAR!
**-4 HP** | Attacked by 3 Turrets
**+8 GRIT** | Demolition Crew! Mission Success!
**+8 GRIT** | Lord of the Drones! Mission Success!
**+15 GRIT** | Double Duty - Two Missions!
***Captain Lenar Belox - Android (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Das Boot 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 13

**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by The First Post1
***Captain Rhaegar - Human (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Dracarys 20/111 38 30 27 17 21 $20000 NONE 2

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Captain Glenn McJlarty - aka McJ - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Dubdub 106/106 18 35 23 16 81 $50264 NONE 12

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Captain Newb Naiv - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
First Post1 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Deerstalker 17

You race into battle without bothering to repair your paper thin hull.

The first shot from an enemy fighter sends your engines into a state of meltdown. The First Post1 crumples and decompresses.

You're dead.. but you caused one hell of a distraction and you ensured that you will always be remembered as the first casualty of this great battle.

**-$500, +1 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$18,000, +20 FP** | Super Mondo Cannon
**-$18,000, +20 SH** | Ultra Bounce Deflecto Coating
**-$8,000, +8 SH** | 4 x Scrap Metal
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Deerstalker
**-101 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**~ DEAD ~** | Killed by Warship Scylla - Fighters
***Captain Lord Fritz - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Grey Mouser 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Top Hat 15

Marvin had a bad feeling about this and Fritz is starting to agree as the Grey Mouser bumps through a barrage of laser fire with a cargo bay full of explosives.

Something is wrong. This is the first thought Marvin has as he watches lasers tear into what's left of the Mouser... from the outside.

Marvin realizes he has been rapidly expelled from the craft under extreme force and is drifting into heavy turret fire. He thinks of his fans, they would want some last words - "Never pre-pay a bar tab. Bad luck."

**-$4000, +40 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$500, +1 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$9,000, +10 LK** | Moonshine
**-$1,000, +1 LK** | Clover Soup
**-$20,000, +20 ST** | Heat Muffler
**+1EN** | Abacus
**-$14,000, +14 ST** | 7 x Whiteout
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Top Hat
**-$67** | Prepaid Bar Tab
**-68 HP** | Attacked by 19 Turrets
**-83 HP** | Matter Disruptor Ray
**~ DEAD ~** | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets
***Captain PingPing Pandan - Human (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Hobar 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 8

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Dynamite Explosion
***Cap'n Ninedollar - Space Lizard (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Hoosier Mama 74/104 19 17 18 19 17 $10220 NONE -14

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Skipper - Space Lizard (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
I.M.V. Flatulent Deity 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Bolero 38

You command a significant drone army and turn them against the Scylla while the remaining drones peck away at your hide to the tune of 150HP. Tak tak tak.

After making a dent in the drones, you weave through the laser turret array and begin to deploy timed explosives along the shell of the enemy warship. The damage pushes up past the red, it's time to get out.. and then it's past time. You plant a final mine as the red rain of lasers shreds through your ship.

You've changed the galaxy today, perhaps more with music than with force. Your ballad is carried far and wide, shared amongst the stars.

**-$3000, +30 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$18,000, +20 EN** | Cram Session
**-$20,000, +20 ST** | Heat Muffler
**-$4,000, +4 ST** | 2xWhiteout
**-$5000, +10 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**+1 LK, +1 GRIT** | Epic Ballad
**+8 GRIT** | Lord of the Drones! Mission Success!
**-150 HP** | Attacked by 46 Drones
**-80 HP** | Attacked by 24 Turrets
**~ DEAD ~** | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets
3
***Captain Krazy D Clown - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Insane1 64/112 41 28 30 17 41 $21240 NONE 15

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Marshal Paul Seldon - Human (ICUP - Marshal)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Ironclad Cochrane 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Chupalla 23

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Destroyed by The Jewel of the Desert
***Captain Hogarth - Human (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Iron Giant 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Plaid Kangol 17

** ~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android
***Captain Adélie - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Jewel of the Desert 100/142 73 75 31 29 59 $700 Miner's Hard Hat 46

You go into battle with the confidence of rigorous statistical analysis and solidly choreographed dance moves but as other ships begin to turn into confetti, you begin to realize.. this is space... anything can happen.

You watch helplessly as the I.M.V. Flatulent Deity is melted to slag. The Senescent Wanderer barrels recklessly into laser fire.

You survive, but you'll always remember this battle and wonder if you could have done more.

**-$5000, +50 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$18,000, +20 FP** | Super Mondo Cannon
**-$12,000, +12 FP** | Mini Mondo Gun
**-$18,000, +20 SH** | Ultra Bounce Deflecto Coating
**+2 LK, +1 GRIT** | Rad Dance Party
**+1 GRIT** | Naturalist (Spatium anguillam)
**-42 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
***Captain Increase Waistline - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Mistaker II 19/100 18 19 18 16 39 $2500 NONE 7

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Captain David Falkayn - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Muddlin' Through 111/153 51 49 86 31 70 $4454 Dunce Cap 42

Captain Falkayn begins working through the nest of signals, untangling and unraveling them with shipboard computers. The Muddlin' takes damage as the drones close in. Closer.... Closer...

A few keystrokes and Falkayn pulls taut the strings. His puppets begin to dance in beautiful formations. They firing in wide spirals and sweeping circles.

The drones respond like a tightly coded robosymphony and he is the conductor. They dip, they dive, they weave and they explode on impact... without asking any questions or challenging his authority. This is the life.

**-$11,100, +111 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$9,000, +10 LK** | Moonshine
**-$5,000, +5 LK** | Clover Soup
**-$36,000, +40 EN** | Cram Session
**+1 EN** | Drone Army
**-42 HP** | Attacked by 14 Enemy Drones
**+8 GRIT** | Lord of the Drones! Mission Success!
***Dr. Esstimpress - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Nitimeistheritime 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 8

**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by Das Boot
***Captain Morel Lönnrot - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
NordstjÀrnan 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Fez 27

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Destroyed by Ranger McCall
***Captain Saurodroid - Android (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Pillar of Autumn 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 3

** ~ DEAD ~** | Crystal Hydromethane Explosion
***Captain Richard M.Nixon - Space Lizard (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Pusillanimous Patty 102/171 64 64 43 33 95 $0 Cthulhu Fez 38

The admiral of the Scylla looks out the window at the expanse of this new territory. A glimmer on the horizon. Is that a ship? A single freighter making a run at a Guardian Class Warship?

You lead the charge against the Scylla, they don't even return fire until after the first volley of homing missiles when they see an armored rock launching ordinance and several other ships dropping out of hyperspace.

The Scylla scrambles their fighters but these rookie scrubs are no match for Nixon, a Space Lizard who cut his teeth in the dark corners of Charybdis.

**-$3000, +30 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$14,000, +14 SH** | 7 x Scrap Metal
**-$2,000, +2 FP** | Mini Mondo Gun
**-$27,000, +30 LK** | 3 x Moonshine
**-$6,000, +6 LK** | 6 x Clover Soup
**-$3500, +7 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$175** | Campaign Funds
**+1 GRIT** | Presidential Bid
**-69 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
***CaptainPedge - Space Lizard (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Quisquiliae sStruem 12/120 40 50 23 22 39 $0 Natty Topper 29

Admiral Ulfbert remembers Pedge, the hero of the Coalition who visited just days ago. Ulfbert got his cryptograph on a photo, even helped patch up his ship, the Quisquiliae sStruem. There it goes, past the bridge, blasting at the docking bay with a Super Mondo Cannon. How is this happening?

The Scylla fighters aren't going to be able to use the starboard portal, they'll have to reroute to the port side.

A giant explosion quakes through the warship and gravity is gone, lights flicker. Ulfbert deletes his cryptographed photo just before the main systems go off line. A creak. A thousand thin whistles of oxygen escaping and a muted thunder as the bridge severs.

**-$4500, +45 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$10,000, +20 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$18,000, +20 FP** | Super Mondo Cannon
**-$18,000, +20 SH** | Ultra Bounce Deflecto Coating
**-$9,000, +10 LK** | Moonshine
**-$80** | 2 x Flowers
**-$100, +2 BBQ** | Jugga BBQ
**+1 LK** | Happy Lizard!
**-108 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
***Captain El-Esk - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Senescent Wanderer 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Sombrero 35

An asteroid, a lumpy rock with engines, rains hell down on the Scylla. Ships dart around her belly, planting devices of destruction. Admiral Ulfbert doesn't know what to do.. until he sees a giant target emblazoned on the side of a particularly reckless vessel.

You've signed on for every mission and you make it through a good part of the first two before the concentrated fire power of 39 turrets comes to bear on your weakened shields.

This is it, no remote backups, no safety net. Exhilarating! This is what it feels like to die.

**-$900, +9 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$30,000, +60 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$8,000, +8 SH** | 4 x Scrap Metal
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Sombrero
**+2 ST, +2 GRIT** | Team Photo
**-155 HP** | Attacked by 39 Turrets
**-106 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
**~ DEAD ~** | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets
***Herpe'derp III of the Komodar Empire - Space Lizard (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Slidewinder 71/100 15 16 17 15 17 $12150 NONE -15

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Captain Hot, Earl Grey - Space Lizard (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Slightly More Than Ordinary 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 3

** ~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by Hawk Granger
***Captain Underpants - Human (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The TARD-iss 74/202 47 28 26 23 33 $300 Sombrero 25

You spend more of Pete's credit on your bar than on your ship... and it pays off. All the other resistance ships are looking out for you. If anyone is going to survive this battle, it's the party barge!

Anytime a Scylla fighter approaches you they squeeze off a few shots and get crushed under a hail of protective fire. No one fucks with the bartender.

**-$3700, +37 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$18,000, +20 FP** | Super Mondo Cannon
**-$35000, +70 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Sombrero
**-128 HP** | Attacked by 5 Enemy Fighters
**+10 GRIT** | Full Frontal Assault! Mission Success!
***Captain Bonso Juneau - Android (Resistance)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Taurean Mule 105/105 27 36 20 18 43 $50380 NONE 9

**~ DEAD ~** | Eaten by Space Eels
***Captain Damianus Iulianus - Android (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Zhe Shadow Pacifist 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 5

** ~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android
4

(on the black box recovered from Das Boot flotsam)

“And lo, there will be SEVEN survivors by the end of this moon.”

Captain Belox’s android ghost demands GRIT for retroactive soothsaying.

5

GRIT

Grittiest Captains in Charybdis.
RANK CAPTAIN SHIP GRIT
1 Captain Adélie (Android) Jewel of the Desert 46
1 Commander Jameson (Human) Cobra II 46
2 Captain David Falkayn (Human) Muddlin' Through 42
3 - Skipper (Space Lizard) I.M.V. Flatulent Deity 38
3 Captain Richard M.Nixon (Space Lizard) Pusillanimous Patty 38
4 - Captain El-Esk (Android) Senescent Wanderer 35
5 CaptainPedge (Space Lizard) Quisquiliae sStruem 29
6 Captain Q'a'strastro (Human) Burnt Asbestos 28
7 - Captain Morel Lönnrot (Android) NordstjÀrnan 27
8 Captain Underpants (Human) The TARD-iss 25
9 - Marshal Paul Seldon (Human) Ironclad Cochrane 23
10 - Captain Newb Naiv (Human) First Post1 17
10 - Captain Hogarth (Human) The Iron Giant 17
*- dash denotes a deceased captain.*
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The Survivors

Captain Q’a’strastro - Human (Resistance) - Burnt Asbestos
Commander Jameson - Human (Resistance) - Cobra II
Captain Adélie - Android (Resistance) - Jewel of the Desert
Captain David Falkayn - Human (Resistance) - Muddlin’ Through
Captain Richard M.Nixon - Space Lizard (Resistance) - Pusillanimous Patty
CaptainPedge - Space Lizard (Resistance) - Quisquiliae sStruem
Captain Underpants - Human (Resistance) - The TARD-iss

The Fallen

Captain Roger Wilco - Human (Outlaw) - Aluminum Mallard
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by The Jewel of the Desert

Captain Beefheart - Space Lizard (ICUP) - Bongo Fury
~ DEAD ~ | Killed by Don Mondo

Captain Thrummel Carfax - Android (Resistance) - Cepheus Maiden
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by Ranger Slaal

Captain Lenar Belox - Android (ICUP) - Das Boot
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by The First Post1

Captain Rhaegar - Human (Neutral) - Dracarys
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Captain Glenn McJlarty - aka McJ - Human (Resistance) - Dubdub
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Captain Newb Naiv - Human (Resistance) - First Post1
~ DEAD ~ | Killed by Warship Scylla - Fighters

Captain Lord Fritz - Android (Resistance) - Grey Mouser
~ DEAD ~ | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets

Captain PingPing Pandan - Human (Neutral) - Hobar
~ DEAD ~ | Dynamite Explosion

Cap’n Ninedollar - Space Lizard (Neutral) - Hoosier Mama
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Skipper - Space Lizard (Resistance) - I.M.V. Flatulent Deity
~ DEAD ~ | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets

Captain Krazy D Clown - Human (Resistance) - Insane1
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Marshal Paul Seldon - Human (ICUP - Marshal) - Ironclad Cochrane
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by The Jewel of the Desert

Captain Hogarth - Human (ICUP) - The Iron Giant
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android

Captain Increase Waistline - Human (Resistance) - Mistaker II
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Dr. Esstimpress - Human (Outlaw) - The Nitimeistheritime
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by Das Boot

Captain Morel Lönnrot - Android (Resistance) - NordstjÀrnan
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by Ranger McCall

Captain Saurodroid - Android (Neutral) - Pillar of Autumn
~ DEAD ~ | Crystal Hydromethane Explosion

Captain El-Esk - Android (Resistance) - Senescent Wanderer
~ DEAD ~ | Killed by Warship Scylla - Laser Turrets

Herpe’derp III of the Komodar Empire - Space Lizard (Neutral) - Slidewinder
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Captain Hot, Earl Grey - Space Lizard (Resistance) - The Slightly More Than Ordinary
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by Hawk Granger

Captain Bonso Juneau - Android (Resistance) - Taurean Mule
~ DEAD ~ | Eaten by Space Eels

Captain Damianus Iulianus - Android (ICUP) - Zhe Shadow Pacifist
~ DEAD ~ | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android

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The Bartender Never Gets Killed!

cheech.jpg1366×768 70.8 KB

3 Likes
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Fuckin’ A, Jameson. Well Done.

And Highest Respect to Captain Adélie, for a perfectly executed mission.

I should note, Azdel did all the careful work of controlling the Drones. I just sat on the bridge and watched the show.

Now, I happen to have choice bottle from Benemede I’d like to share at the Space Bar.

I need to raise a toast to all the captains that made the full on assault against the Scylla. That took Grit and Guts.

–Falkayn

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“Well, that’ssss a relief. No more visitsss to the head for me. I’m done with all thiss corporeal nonsssensse.”

“You’re thmiling, Thththkipper. Have you no regretth?”

“Very few, little buddy. Our wider goal wass accomplished, and our own missionss very nearly ssso. Had the hull held out jussst a bit longer, we’d have won Misssion 2 as well as Misssion 3, and we’d be tied at the top of the Grit-rankingss, without even counting the double-misssion Grit bonusss. And you’ll remember that of our crew, the Spppace Lizardsss fortunate enough to ssserve aboard Itsss Majesty’sss Vesssel Flatulent Deity, not a sssingle sssolitary one sssuccumbed to Fear. Not once. I’d sssay we ssserved with honor and dissstinction, and we couldn’t asssk for a better end. Would have been niccce had you lived to command your own ssship, but that bothersss you more than it doess me, I’ll warrant.”

“Wouldn’t it have been thlightly better to have, you know, thurvived?”

“Ha! And ssspend the ressst of our dayss lissstening to the competing campaign sssloganss of General Nixxxon and that asssshat Brad Nebula? No thanksss. Obviousssly, death is a comfortably ssssuperior outcome.”

“I thuppothe you’re right, Thththkipper.”

“Of coursssse I am. Now
 what would you recommend we do next?”

“Well, thir, the Deity ith thoroughly decommiththioned, our twithted, blackened, and frozen corptheth will drift for quite thome time until the gravity well of yon gath giant claimth them, and there theem to be no unchecked itemth on our To-Do Litht. Ath well, there theem to be no itemth at all on our Able-To-Do Litht. Exthept item #1: ‘Haunt the Thpathewayth.’”

“Haunt the what?”

“Thpathewayth, thir.”

“Oh. Haunt the Sssspacewaysss.”

“Exactly tho.”

“Well then. Make it sssso, lieutenant. All together now:”

“Booooooooooo!!”

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Player's Choice Awards

I'm your host, Brad Nebula, and I'd like to welcome you to the prestigious Player's Choice Awards! This evening's event is brought to you by Ella's Emporium and all of our winners tonight will be receiving an all expense paid trip to the Moon of Benemede!

Award for Character Development

Thanks go out to this ship for having such a rich history and lively crew members.

.. Oh my glob! An unprecedented three-way tie for the character development award! This has never happened in the history of the Player's Choice Awards! It's incredible!

And the winners are...

[spoiler]The I.M.V. Flatulent Diety[/spoiler]
[spoiler]The Jewel of the Desert[/spoiler]
[spoiler]The Senescent Wanderer[/spoiler]

Award for True Grit

It takes GRIT to survive in Charybdis, it's the only true measure of a captain. The players have spoken and the winner of this award is.. OMG! Another tie! What is happening tonight?

[spoiler]Marshal Seldon of the Ironclad Cochrane[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Captain Falkayn of the Muddlin' Through[/spoiler]

Award for Sneakiest Sneak

Is that a fat envelope? Another tie? Seriously? These awards ceremonies must be rigged... And if they are rigged, you can bet these captains had something to do with it!

[spoiler]Captain Falkayn of the Muddlin' Through[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Captain Nixon of the Pusillanimous Patty[/spoiler]

Award for Outstanding Ship

Described by his friends and neighbors as "essential," the winner of this award doesn't have much stealth or shields but his ship makes up for all that by stocking the best bar in the galaxy! Coincidentally, he'll be hosting the after party and that's where I'm heading now!

[spoiler]Captain Underpants of The TARD-iss[/spoiler]
Thank you all for being here this evening, drive safe and don't forget to tip the bartender!
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“You like me, You really like me”.

No, wait, that didn’t work out so well. How about:

“I’d like to thank my producer Nicolas Van Rijn, my fabulous crew Chee Lan and Azdell. I want to thank my Saville Row tailor
 zzzzzzz”

Where was I?

Thank You to you all. I could not have done this without each and everyone of you. I am particularly honored that I got “sneakiest sneak” award for doing the sneakiest thing of all: doing what I said would do.

There were so many ups and down. That day we all moved out against both Don Mondo and ICUP was one of the high points of my life. I was so upset as the crews confronted Tiny. I thought I had failed them. I was overjoyed when all but one survived. Even if Marshall Seldon did later do his level best to kill me.

(notices red light blinking behind the camera

“Self-interested cooperation is the basis for all success”

Thank you all, again.

This victory belongs to all of you:

See you all on the TARD-iss.

p.s. How did you do that bitchin’ font thing so that I had to click to see the winner’s names? That’s more fun than a secret decoder ring.

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I’d like to dedicate thisss award to my nessst-brother, Ssskipper. I couldn’t have done it without him.

My only regret wasss I didn’t manage to find a way to get Captain Pedge killed.

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use the spoiler tags


15

The Cobra II rocks as the shockwave from the exploding Scylla expands outwards. Then the gyros kick in and the ship is steady. Jameson brings the Cobra to a dead stop and lets out a deep breath as he watches the remaining craft of the invasion fleet wink out on his screens as they flee in to Hyperspace. He sets the comm’ unit to scan across the emergency frequencies in case there are any survivors out there. As the unit scans across the bands the noise of static fills the bridge.

He unbuckles, presses a large button on the console then leans over and reaches into a compartment on the dash, pulls out a fat aluminium tube, pops the top off and tips the cigar out of the tube into his hand. He rummages in a pocket then pulls out a Stanley knife. There is a ‘Snick’ as he pushes the blade out with his thumb. Carefully he uses it to cut the end off the cigar, then places it between his lips. He retracts the blade and drops the knife back in his pocket. There’s a ‘chunk’ as the cigar lighter pops out on the console. He applies the glow of the lighter to the cigar and draws heavily on it. A cloud of blue-grey smoke surrounds his head. He reckons its fair to say the fat lady is singing now.

He sits for a while smoking and listening to the static as the Comm’ unit scans the emergency channels and reads the incoming missing ship reports as they scroll across his screen. It seems like there’s nothing more to be done here.

He lifts the lid of the cool box strapped into the co-pilots seat and pulls out a beer, pops the tab and downs it in one, crushing the can as he empties it. He pops the empty in the cooler and takes another beer from it, pops the tab, takes a sip and jams it in the cup holder. He selects the favourites menu on the music player and chooses a track. Then orders the ship to put all systems to manual.

Clamping the cigar between his teeth he fires the engines on the Cobra and as they tick over manoeuvres so the nose of his ship points towards Charybdis. He pushes the throttle forward and the engines roar into life.

He presses play and music fills the ship as he heads back to the planet.

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I gotta admit, that King Cobra II of yours has the best-stocked 8-track player of any hot rod in the fleet.

\m/ \m/

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Oops
 forgot I only have three fingerssss.

\n/ \n/

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Cheers Falkayn. I’ll see you back in the bar. Though you can save the Benemede for someone who appreciates it. I’ve come to actually like the taste of the Rot Gut that Pete sells.

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Probably because most of the music I listen to is from before 2000 :slight_smile:

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Excellent taste, my man.