Is it terrible that I am more interesting in his 15 daughters? No sons? Wow. But the rugs are worth more then $30 of course, and most often you contract through a laundry service (like to have them and really rent them) - they come and replace them depending on how filthy they get.
The man is named Footman? And he (allegedly) steals doormats?
16 women in the house. I would be out stealing doormats too.
There's a joke in there about being a doormat, maybe? Or his daughters' shoes were filthy.
Get the S.E.C., The Administration and Congress after him and he can count on never seeing day one in jail...
Bank doormats? You mean the Congressmen who voted for the bailout?
[Insert Game of Thrones reference here]
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