The bartender should have a rag out on the regular anyway. If it’s so busy that there’s no time to wipe down, then it’s so busy no one will care that the bar is wet.
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Whatever you may think you’re entitled to as a customer (a different discussion) keep in mind that the other customers sitting next to you certainly don’t deserve it have random shit spread all over the area they 're sitting sitting so you can feel like you’ve gotten a buck’s worth of service. And based on the reactions most of my customers have to people who do this you wouldn’t be making any friends. They’re pissed at you for the mess. Not at me.
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just use your body’s position and breathing. keep your back straight/lumbar arched, lean forward via the femur/hip bone socket not the spine/waist. elevating the feet (footstool) helps; your body wants you to be in a squatting position. begin deep breathing from the diaphragm and relax/tune out. once you’ve “gotten started,” quickly empty lungs and start a long, slow inhale from the diaphragm. after the log, long slow exhale for the remainder. this should seem familiar to any of you acquainted with the body mechanics of tai chi.
I’ve seen pics of Eastern toilets that have no seats but footrests next to the bowl; our lack of which is no doubt the source of much intestinal consternation in the west. curiously, F. L. Wright designed the toilets in Fallingwater as squat-over built into the floors. An arrogant fucker, but in some ways he did know what was best for the user.
also, if your toilet is “rickety” due to house settling/uneven floor (i.e. the whole thing teeter-totters) they sell rubbery plastic toilet shims at any hardware store with toilet stuff. they look like mini door-stops. they’re dirt cheap and work great.
this is absolutely the last thing I’ll ever write about shitting
/weirdo
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Well I’m a bartender. It only seems it work until the condensation soaks the salt. You get 3 more seconds of functional coaster, a glass with salt stuck to it, and I get bigger mess to deal with in the end.
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When I pay two or three times the store price of beer I expect to not have to listen to the guy whine about his crappy job. He should be listening to me complain, and cleaning up my shredded coasters. I leave a generous tip in exchange.
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Using a cell phone camera to check IR remote controls is a nifty one. Can probably see those invisible LEDs on modern security cameras too.
We do. But salt, ripped paper, crumbs, food residue, your gum, etc take a lot longer to clean up than the usual quick sanitizing wipe (that’s not an inappropriately moist bar, its multi-quat doing its job). But whatever that’s the job, the issue is that you’ve cause a problem for some one else for no real reason. In this case the bartender and more importantly the people sitting next to you who I can tell you aren’t very happy with you. That’s rude.
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Hey, I didn’t make any mess.
I’ve tried the, err, position you’re talking about with some success. Might try it some more but honestly the wedging back and forth seems a bit too much like work so I’ll probably leave that be.
As far as the rickety toilet goes, I can’t really make any improvements on it. The house belongs to my roommates and so gentle nudging is about all I can do.
My calls dropped to near zero after getting on the national do-not-call list.
I think this tip is useless though, because everyone should be on the DNC list, and any company that supports pressing 9 probably also honors the DNC list.
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Our beer distributors drop them off. We don’t pay for them, and often don’t request specific beers. As far as I know the beer producer has them made, passes them off to the distributor, and then your delivery guy keeps a bunch in his truck to drop on his rounds. You usually end up with a pretty random assortment. This is actually how most bars get most of their equipment. Mats, napkin caddys, fruit trays, even shakers, cork screws, and bottle openers. So no one really pays anyone, outside of the beer and booze brands paying the manufacturer.
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I need to ask . . . why does one need to know the sex of an infant?
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Because some parents don’t like it when people can’t tell that their baby is [whatever gender parents believe it is]. I tend to just avoid people with kids as kids scream and I have migraines x% of the time so it’s not really a worry for me.
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I lol’d
They are rare in my experience as well. Best left to parents.
But then, why do we want to know if it’s a boy or a girl? So we can modify our reactions accordingly? And thus, um, sexistly?
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I’m so old, I remember when “real live cheat codes” or “life hacks” were called “household hints”. I have books and books of them from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. Of course, none of them told me how advance frames when watching something on YouTube.
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Huh, your utterly true personal experience (hardly works at all, leaves a mess) seems to be completely at odds with my utterly true personal experience (works through at least one drink, makes no particular mess if judiciously applied). Our mileage has clearly varied.
I’m getting the feeling from your posts that you really don’t like cleaning up after customers. I get it. As a dishwasher, I didn’t like certain types of dirty plates. As a cook, I didn’t like re-cooking the food that customers had ordered incorrectly. These sorts of annoyances, at least within reasonable tolerances, are just part of the deal. (I can only assume that heart surgeons complain about… I dunno, people with weird-shaped ventricles?)
And as a former chronic drunk, I assure you that I took pains to avoid proverbially shitting where I proverbially ate; I paid folks like you very well in order to mitigate the occasional stray grain of salt. If other customers were irritated by the supposed mess, they never let on. But maybe my rarely-washed dredlocks queered the data.
Not to discount the gum thing, though. That is a dick move.
Please don’t stop writing about shitting! I’ve been trying to spread the gospel of squat pooping to my friends and co-workers for years and received mostly raised eyebrows in return. They just don’t understand how much better it is, how much quicker and more comfortable, how effortless squat pooping is. Maybe if it enters the public consciousness I won’t look like such a tremendous weirdo myself.
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I was happy to see I’m not the only one to do that.
